It's all Crazy! It's all False! It's all a Dream! It's Alright!

TOP TEN RECORDS OF THE YEAR (+ 1)

2011-12-12T15:41:00.000-08:00

So, to say the least, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything… a REALLY long time. I used to write quite a bit, delving into my spiritual life and baring it all on here. After some reevaluation and heart checks I think I may be back in business. And what better way than to give you my Top Ten Albums of the Year? Hope this gives you a good look at some of, in my opinion, the years best offers.

Re-Release of the Year: The Beach Boys – SMiLE

I had heard this album several times over the last couple of years but it was always in fragmented takes and never truly realized. In fact, half of the draw to this album is it’s historical background. In short, Brian Wilson was trying to outdo Sgt. Peppers by the Beatles and ended up going completely insane and scrapped the project… in 1967. What you finally get to hear is a painstakingly crafted album that was pieced together over the last few years from the original masters. I love the 60’s music in general, and this is no exception. It is so psychedelic that you can’t help but think of some sort of demented carnival while you listen to it. Definitely worth a good listen.

10. Gungor –Ghosts Upon the Earth

I saw these guys with John Mark MacMillan a few months ago just when this album came out. They put on a heck of a show, and blew away the entire arena of people. This dude is a prodigy on the guitar, and the craziest band to back him up. I read a blog by him that really spoke what I believed about the Christian music industry, and I’m so excited to see how they make an impact in this dying scene that they truly bring life and vibrance to.

9. John Mark MacMillan – Economy

Perfect driving record. In fact, that’s really the only time when I listen to it, and it’s always on repeat. He did such a good job on this album. Songwriting is top notch and the recording has such a warm feel to it. This is like Bruce Springsteen but worship. John Mark and Michael Gungor are carrying the Christian music industry into the next generation. It’s refreshing to see, since my favorite music is relating to Jesus, but my least favorite is Christian contemporary.

8. Iron & Wine – Kiss Each Other Clean

Sam Beam is one of the best songwriters of our generation. This album is so left field from Shepherds Dog that it actually made some fans mad. But if I had one word to describe this record it would be groovy. Great bass lines, clavinet, and sax solos. I love “Big Burned Hand”, and “Godless Brother” but I can’t really pick out a track I don’t like. This one is perfect for driving around and just taking some time to think. Can’t have too much of that in your library.

7. Radiohead – The King of Limbs

Not much to be said here. Radiohead always kills it. This one is a natural progression from In Rainbows. I don’t know if it their best, it certainly is their shortest, but I can’t help but love all of it. Such a good relaxing listen, and it just gets better with time. The deluxe “newspaper” edition was a pretty sweet addition to my vinyl collection.

6. Hands – Give Me Rest

This band I have followed since day one. I was blown away with their atmospheric / post-metal sound on The Sounds of Earth (a concept album about all the attributes of the world, heady… I know) and I was digging Creator. But Give Me Rest is the band at their best. All the songs have such a great vibe to them. “I Will” is for sure my favorite metal track of the year, while “Restart” and “Give Me Rest” have such a spiritual passion that I can’t help but get goose bumps when I listen to them. I’m not too much of a metal guy anymore, save for a few bands, but I just find it boring. This album isn’t really metal, but it’s definitely not just alternative. I don’t know, find out for yourself.

5. Thrice – Major/Minor

At the risk of actually going into ridiculous lengths of writing where no one would want to read it, I will try to keep this realistic. Thrice are one of the greatest bands around. Since Vhiessu they haven’t put out anything that I haven’t completely eaten up. Heck, by the time this one rolled around I was still listening to Beggars regularly, and still am. But Major/Minor is a band in their 30’s, who doesn’t care about impressing anyone. The songs aren’t nearly as experimental as Vheissu or Alchemy Index, but like Beggars, they maintain a gritty, rock feel that somehow stays even truer. The lyrics are the most personal and the most Christ centered they have ever been for Thrice, don’t believe just hear “Listen Through Me”. More like a hymn. Front to back this one rules. I think the best way to describe this album is a Beggars Pt 2, and I don’t mind that at all.

4. Fleet Foxes – Helplessness Blues

To be fair, I don’t think I like this one as much as the first. Though this one has a lot more to offer, I love the fact that the first Fleet Foxes record reminds me of nature and the renaissance. This record just has a little bit too much cynicism and hopelessness for me to truly but into. But, that being said this has to be one of the most gorgeous and important releases in music this year. The Shrine / Argument could be my favorite track this year (that sax solo at the end is complete nonsense, but I wouldn’t have it any other way). As a whole this has so much to offer as far as diversity in songs and seeing them live with Bon Iver really capped the Fleet Foxes experience off for me.

3. Bon Iver – Self Titled

I was a sleeper with Bon Iver, I got his first album a few weeks before the new one came out. And as far as Bon Iver fans go, I’m up there but I’m not one of those people who thinks his music reaches deep into my life like Stephen Colbert. In fact I can’t make out more than 25 % of his lyrics. Most of them he sounds like he either is or will be crying anywhere in the near future. But he doesn’t do it any better than on “Halocene”, probably one of my favorite tracks of the year. In fact, the first three tracks off this album are flawless and could be the standout stretch of tracks this year. As a whole I think this is a great listen, maybe one of the best albums as a whole this year, but the part that makes it my third favorite is that I can’t square Bon Iver with anything else in my library. The vibe you get from listening to this guy isn’t replicable, and makes his newest album a must hear from this year.

2. James Blake – Self Titled / Enough Thunder

This guy is insane. Among my group of friends I think we all love James Blake. I was among the last to actually give this guy a shot but I can’t say that I regret that choice. This dude is among the most unique sounds out there, but it’s never too experimental or self indulgent. Crisp, Dark, Smooth, Reflective, and Soulful all come to mind when I think of this guys stuff. It’s organic, yet almost totally electronic. Crazy rhythms, and glitches cover his full length and end up being a dreamy, perfect way to end the night. Sitting out back with Max, Jon, Paul, and Nate having some hookah is what this album is all about for me. Ask any of those guys and they’ll tell you either of his releases this year are default choices for chilling outback and relaxing.

1. MuteMath – Odd Soul

Odd Soul took me by surprise. The first track I heard sounded great, but I wasn’t quite sure of the message. In reality, I hated Armistice, the groups second full length. I tried so hard to like it, but it’s MuteMath at their most compromised spot. They scrapped the album they had worked on to work with a producer that thought they sucked. And the lyrical content of the album was about as bleak as any. But with Odd Soul the group truly redeems themselves. This album murders from beginning to end. The opening riff on Odd Soul forces your head to move along with the music. I’ve never heard blues-electro rock mixed together with a slightly reggae voice. Didn’t plan on looking for it either. But from front to back this album just energizes you. It’s definitely a grower though. My friend Paul noticed that the last 6 songs were his favorite stretch of the album. I couldn’t agree more. And if you are looking for a whole album to enjoy, as I am, that’s the most crucial spot for holding attention. “Walking Paranoia” has to have some of the most massive changes that I’ve ever heard from measure to measure.

One of the most relatable parts of the album for me is the lyrical content. I wasn’t really sure about this album at first lyrically but once I read an article in Relevant about the bands struggles this really opened it up for me. They are on the warming up side of disillusionment with the Church and Christianity. “Walking Paranoia” also poses this crazy picture of drummer Darren King as a kid looking at the “porno rack” and being so nervous that he was heading to hell because of it. The song is all about anxiety and wondering if he is on “hells highway”. I think this is something that all religious kids struggle with at some point and I am so glad someone painted a great picture of it.

The album does come off kinda jaded at times, but I kinda like that. Spirituality is messy and sometimes theres loose ends all over the place. Those loose ends are tied up on the closing track “In No Time” where Paul Meany sings “Where’s your heart gone and where’s your soul? Where did all of your faith go?... I bet we’ll find it in no time at all” as if to put a period at the end of their struggling. Well done MuteMath, well done.

The Faithfulness of God

2011-07-28T19:19:00.001-07:00

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail, and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places. Habbakuk 3:17-19.

If you are lonely, and you don’t know where Jesus is, he is sovereign. I have wrestled with this so much, so deeply and so truly. I just want to let you know that he loves you. I am growing to feel this deeply. I trust that all things work together for the good of those who love God. I just gave up trusting in myself (and my own reasoning) after I realized I had been living with despair for the last 6-12 months. I have realized that there is no joy in doubting God or trusting in your own reason.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. James 1:2,3

The more that I realize I am unhappy with being where I am at in life the more I realize I have to trust God on everything. The longer that I have had to wait to find the love of my life the more I realize that God is sovereign. Every inch of the way he knows where I am going and when things suck, I realize that I am being pushed to being more like Jesus and trusting him. I find that the more uncomfortable I am the more I learn and the more I become a man of peace. The less that I can trust in my own self the more I exhibit the fruit of the Spirit.

So I have started with hope again, this began at the point of exhaustion and it will continue as long as God lets me be exhausted. I have hope that no matter what difficulty or hurt is in my life that God is using it to bring about greater joy in my heart and greater dependency on Him. There will be pain in life, and it will always be used to draw us back. There may be seasons of confusion, and God understands it. I may even have a time of hardening or where I do not pray, but God knows that he is using this for the good of those who love Him. If you give up hope in this you give up on everything. And today, I started to see that the more I am the man I am to be in Christ, the less I find myself worrying. The more time I spend on this earth, the more I find it was God who was to be trusted all along.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

May we all learn to pray deeply and continuously!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4: 6,7

To Be More Like Job

2011-07-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

To be more like Job

and I, but a distant friend.

Tears try to fall, growing easier at the exhibition of my foolish pride.

Oh but a broken man, does the best he can.

The healed ones are lazy, numb.

The Iron Fist of Father Time vs. and accomplished father in his prime.

His pride will hit the floor, his knees will become sore.

And his offspring will groan with the birth pains of humility.

As they blame their old men no longer as standing up above grows harder.

(I'm tasting fresh blood on my lips)

If you read this and don't understand it I can write an explanation. Let me know.

The Trash Bags That Cover My Body

2011-03-05T11:04:00.000-08:00

Today I posted two pieces of writing I did when I was a sophomore at Chandler-Gilbert. I found them while cleaning my room and I wanted to put them up here for anyone who wants to read them. I am very happy with them as they mark a time in my life where I was first understanding what it means to write and what it means to live for Jesus. I hope that you enjoy them...

Michael Roth

ENG 217

The Place

4/13/10

The Trash Bags That Cover My Body

The backdoor shuts. People approach. A basketball dribbles in my hand. A bead of sweat tickles the end of my nose and loses its will to cling. I look up to see the faces of my loving family, tenderhearted individuals who have painted my past with radiant colors. The colors of infant bliss dashed across the canvas of my childhood experience. It’s funny how we have these places. We think about them so much too, it’s the memories we miss most. Playing basketball with my father, brother, and grandfather. My grandmother would sit by the back door, interested in my confidence to shoot 3 pointers (which were merely 15 feet away in a patch of clovers). Sitting and talking with my mother, she would get up at some point to bring us root beers and ice cream. This was, of course, after we received our portion of cheezits, a very common childhood snack of mine. I remember this scene, it’s not a specific day, or even that this scene happened once, but it was a recurring setting, like a template for my childhood. Every Sunday my family and I went to church. Every Sunday we would leave church for Scottsdale Fashion Square, and we were sure to be greeted by Grandma and Grandpa (who were happy to buy us meals and toys). Everything I loved about life back then is represented here.

So when I want to get away from the immediate surrounding of my day-to-day life I start with this location. Where I would play basketball on the back porch. It’s as if I only go back to my grandparents house on days that I have epiphanies, and I’m thinking a lot of the time it’s vice versa as well. Something relaxes the search, the doubt, the struggle that I can have with life at times. When I get too wrapped up in the world this is the place I turn to. It’s clear and crisp in my mind; the smell gets me every time. Not overtly musty but you feel as if the scent is sticking to you. So incredibly intoxicating; all sorts of memories and emotions swirl about my mind like a chocolate sundae. The cherry on top is that everything is the same. I can walk into the room in this house that was set-aside for my brother and I like some sort of toy store that was abandoned. I see character all around me. My grandmother turned every wall in her house into a canvas of her own artistry. Waterfalls, green pastures, cows, cabins, snow. Each season represented like a full range of the colors of life (she poured much of the creativity and imagination I have into my mind, without her influence there wouldn’t be too much right brain in me). These walls begin to overpower the questions I have, the things that I think are a big deal aren’t so much anymore. I remember what it was like to be a child and I realize I am still here. I don’t want to fool myself though; it is not these walls that deserve the whole hearted thankfulness I portray.

See I don’t think we ever mean things to go the way they do. When my grandma died I asked a lot of questions I didn’t think I needed to ask. I finally had to deal with experiencing death first hand. We do this: we think we’ve formulated great answers until the weight of the waves crash atop our postulations and strike our foundation so hard we wonder whether it can hold up. But somehow, when I feel like I have no direction, I can come here and feel like a child again. It’s a connection back to God, the central character to all this. I can flip through family photo albums to refresh my mind on what I know about myself, since I come here when I am feeling lost. I see hundreds of photos of childhood faith and love and everything I know about me. I try to reconcile the decisions I make now to who I know I have been. One photo gets caught in my head. It is of me in the backyard of my grandparent’s house in the autumn, it’s definitely early 90’s. I have a popcorn bowl on my head and white trash bags cover my body, taped up to make me airtight. My grandma quite obviously the head of NASA, and I, the first man on mars. From the edge of the twin size bed that adorns my childhood toy store, I begin let go of what I fear to lose today. And as I stare into the eyes of the child I was, he reaches out and brushes the dust out of my eyes. I see the part of me I am glad to be, and he is glad to see me.

O Me of Little Faith

2011-03-05T10:56:00.000-08:00

This was a paper that I ended up reading to my ENG 217 class at CGCC. I felt so freed after writing this, but even more freeing was letting go of the fear of reading it to non-believers. I recount nearly every single instance where I felt Almighty God interacted with me over the last two years. It is near and dear to me and I am very proud of this writing.

Michael Roth

Memoir

ENG 217

4/26/10

Oh Me of Little Faith: A Memoir

College can be a lonely place. I remember understanding that very well my freshman year at Chandler Gilbert. I didn’t really get it, in high school I had plenty of friends but I thought college was supposed to expound on that, not take them all away. I remember them all slowly dwindling away; My best friend Rob coming into class after 2 weeks exclaiming that he had picked up acid for the first time and dropping out of school the next week. He’s in the military now, which I guess is good, but just reminds me of the near instant change of scenery I went through as college began and friends being ripped from my life. It was weird because I felt as if since I had decided to follow Jesus was becoming more alone. I can remember specifically asking God to bring friends into my life to help me get through.

Midway through the semester things had boiled over and I got into an argument with my parents. I don’t usually like to argue with my parents, we’ve worked things out in the past and as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned how to defuse my ego in parental situations. Not this time though. I had stormed out of the house and needed some solace and decided that the atmosphere at the neighborhood Starbucks would suit the desire. I sat down to do a little homework and maybe read the bible, who knows, I just had it sitting there. A guy that I slightly recognized asked me “Whatcha ya reading bro?” I had seen him before one time at the church that I went to called Cornerstone. There were several thousand people there, however, so I hadn’t met him. “Oh! It’s the bible,” I replied “and I’m just doing a little homework. What about you?” He then proceeded to tell me that he just felt he needed to be studying there tonight and that he wanted to invite me to a bible study he had which literally met 1 mile from my house. He told me that the guys that met up at his house were all 25 – 30, which was kind of crazy because I didn’t really hang with anyone that old being 19 and all. We proceeded to talk and question each other for several hours. I was smiling with all the connections we had made between people we knew and things that we enjoyed. I love when that happens; you meet someone new and keep plunging further and further into how much you share in common. I had an ah-ha moment on the way home from coffee and realized that God had been answering my prayers possibly; that maybe the loneliness was because something greater than before was on the other side.

The first week I went there I realized the value of the relationships I had struck. These were people who aspired to love Jesus who had already been through all I had and more. Some of these individuals were literally the most seasoned human beings I had ever met. Nate Holscher, whom I met through our meetings, has gone through more in the last 10 years than most people do in their lifetime. His stepfather and father had been wrongfully imprisoned and his 24-year-old brother had died last year. He lost everything when this happened including his job. It probably felt like I just hit you in the face with some facts, and it feels like that when you try to explain anything that this guy has gone through. But he also built his own Hummer from scratch so I gotta give it to the guy. I thought to myself “this is the kinda guy I wanna hang around.”

I started hanging out with these people on a regular basis, two or three times a week. I began noticing a huge difference in my demeanor at school and the way I interacted with people. I also began reading the bible thoroughly, pouring over the words and letting them rain on my mind for reflection and strength in my day. It changed my passions in life, my desires. This was cool because I wasn’t looking for something religious like church; I had done that before. These were just genuine people who cared about me and wanted to act like Jesus. I liked that. I noticed something in their lives that was totally different than anyone around me or anyone I had met in the past and it was because they walked what they talked. I just loved the fact that I had found people outside of my comfy bubble that I could experience life with. I began to notice some cool opportunities opening up too. We did some stuff with kids in inner city phoenix for thanksgiving and Christmas of ’08 and those times forever changed me. It was eye opening and stretched my views on who and what deserves my attention. The funny thing was, this was just the beginning.

I guess it was after I was in this bible study for about 5 months that we all kinda realized that I could do this with friends my own age. So they prayed for me, that I would find a bible study with people my own age. I don’t mean find an institution, like some club. Less of a bible study, and more of just friends who were my own age who wanted to walk the way of Jesus and learn to love others. I guess any person wants these things and I hate to make it sounds like some religion I really wanted in my life, but I really just needed the community and fellowship of individuals that we all need. At this same time, my friend Nate’s dad was found innocent of the crime he was sent to prison for. So we rejoiced for a moment over that. The major bummer was that a few days before he was released he woke up unable to move the left side of his body. They found 14 brain tumors that had been gestating during his 4 years in jail. So every week we would meet up, held together by our care for each other in the middle of some really difficult stuff and we would ask God to heal Nate’s dad I look back on this season like a child; I am humbled by how difficult this season was.

About the same time, fall of ’08, I received an article in the newspaper from my grandmother. She sits around at home and does this with articles she thinks will be of significance to us. So I received this cut out of paper exclaiming, “Praxis Church in Tempe Heads Other Direction”. Apparently this was because in a day and age where many people are giving up they decided to just preach the bible and try and figure out what it all means for us today. In the article Pastor Justin Anderson exclaims, “We’re just trying to preach the word. We’re not into self help, there’s Joel Osteen and Oprah for that.” This caught my eye. I found out that apparently the only reason my grandma sent it to me was because the Pastor in the article went to my high school. The only thing was he graduated eleven years before so there’s not a chance I knew him, I would have been in first grade at the time. One thing though did draw my attention. I saw that the face of the guy playing guitar and singing in the picture happened to be the face of the lead singer of my favorite band growing up “Sky Harbor” a local rock band who ended up getting big. This was what grabbed my attention and I wanted to see what this place was all about. Shortly after a friend said he had been attending there. I showed up one night with him to a small, rustic old church down by Mill Ave. that they were borrowing space for. Most of the people were my age to about 30, which was cool because it wasn’t just a bunch of crotchety old people. In short, they announced that they were starting up a songwriting class during the week which several friends and I began attending. We would get there for a potluck on Wednesday nights and just eat and talk before we went back in and started to collaborate on music. This was a really amazing experience for me.

Several weeks into going to Praxis a friend of mine came up to me and asked me if we could start a bible study. Caught of guard, I replied, “Of course man! That’s exactly what I want to do!” Which was weird because my friends prayed that I would start one but I hadn’t done anything. I had this vision in my head, I don’t know if it’s correct or not, but that if I wanted to try to be like Jesus I would be willing to learn to love in spite of situation. So this idea popped up into my head that my friends and I could literally get up at any time and try to help out the homeless on Mill Ave. I mean it was scary, but we could do that. Jesus says, “ Whatever you have done for the least of these brothers of mine you have done unto me”. This was stuck in my head and I found myself realizing that if we wanted to follow Jesus radically this was an opportunity. So I tried to get a bunch of people together. Our plan was to go down to Mill Ave. on a Friday night and just sit and be friends to any homeless people down there. In my mind it meant laughing, crying, talking, feeding, whatever. I feel like these are people who nobody befriends and often shuns. I think this was my attempt at getting a bible study together but became a horrible one at that.

So after I got about fifteen people to say that they were absolutely down with this and it was a great idea we set out. The only problem was that as my friend Chris and I were driving down there every single person cancelled, some for good reasons and some for sketchy ones. I began to panic, thinking that we couldn’t possibly think that we should still do it, I mean, we aren’t with an organization or anything, we’re just two kids walking around the streets. But as we were driving down Chris says, “I heard about this place called Tempe Christian Resource Center. They do a meal and stuff on Sunday mornings and it’d probably be a good place to find out more info on.” I give him the okay, saying we should do that tomorrow. So we step out of my car, parked next to Zia Records, a regular pit stop for me. We walk down by CVS and after about fifteen seconds see a homeless man. He is just baked like no other, high as a kite. So we start to try and just talk to him. He puts up a wall. It gets a little hard to see this idea going anywhere. So I say “Hey man, you want to know about Jesus?” to which he replied, “No.” I look around and say, “Well are you hungry?” to which I get a “Yeah.” So we headed over to Burger King next door. We step inside and order from the menu. Then the strangest thing happens. An unsightly, obese man in the middle of the restaurant stand up and asks me if I am a Christian. I look at him, perplexed, and reply “Yeah, why?” He gets excited and says, “My name is Jay. I work at this place called Tempe Christian Resource Center. I’m there every Sunday. We need all the help we can get!” Chris and I exchange glances, and realize what is happening. We get into a conversation about the crazy ways in which God was interacting in our lives. To cap off this story I must tell you that I ended up working at that homeless shelter on Sunday mornings for about a year with many friends of mine and we never once saw Jay. I asked around, and not a single person knew of this Jay. This story will always continue to perplex me.

I began attending MCC that fall. I was thinking that since MCC was closer than Chandler-Gilbert that it would be easier to go there. I had also heard that it was a pretty good school so I really had nothing to lose by trying that school out. The ironic thing was that I found myself hating MCC even more than CGC. It was like CGC in many ways, except everything was dead. The grass, the colors, the drive of some of my teachers, it was dead. My philosophy teacher would show up late 80% of the time and no clue how to teach the course. It was ridiculous and I was just about at my wits end. I began to become extremely frustrated with my lack of vision in college. I didn’t know why I was even here, was there any point? So one night I prayed and listened to God. I literally sat there waiting. It was pretty foreign to me and to be honest I’m incredibly skeptical when people say they “hear God”. I don’t think he’s a genie and I don’t think you can make him do anything, much less talk to you. But I told God that I had put him on the back burner for a while. I wasn’t willing to be used by him for a very long time and I think it was because of that frustration that I was brought to this point, without it I wouldn’t have decided to turn back to God. But I remember asking Him, “God is there anything you want me to do?” and I remember specifically feeling lead to speak to someone in my math class about Jesus. I really, really didn’t want to do that. That just sounded plain weird, especially since no one wants to talk in math class and because you just drop Jesus into a random conversation, which I wasn’t too comfortable doing. Anyway, I totally rejected what I thought He wanted me to do.

So the next day I was sitting in math class and this kid next to me had a book on music, I was wondering if this was the kid I was supposed to talk to if this was even for real. I tried to strike up a conversation about music, “Hey man, you studying music?” to which I got a concrete “Yeah, bro.” I turned away at that, keeping a tiny battle inside as to whether I should ask him about Jesus. I fought myself the rest of the class until at the end of class he got up and walked away. I was kind of disappointed after that cause I never saw what was on the other side of that conversation. So much like a regular Sunday after the school week was over I came to Praxis, my new church. I sat down in the back with some of my friends like we always had listened to the band play songs for about fifteen minutes. After they stopped playing the invited us to shake the hands of those around us, so I went for the guy in front of me, who turned around and happened to be the dude from my math class that I didn’t want to talk to. I said “Dude! I was supposed to talk to you about Jesus!” and he said “Awesome man, lets talk about him.” He told me his name was Matt Schwartz and he was from New Mexico, he was just at MCC to play tennis. So after class that week he introduced me to a group of his friends who met and prayed in the piano room at MCC after class. I was kind of astonished that this kind of thing actually existed at MCC or anywhere for that matter. But nevertheless we started to hang out a lot. This became one of the most important friendships I developed over the course of the last year. We shared the same passions and love for music and Jesus. I mean it was scary. Along my journey of starting college God had brought more friends into my life than I imagined. I didn’t even try to seek them out, I asked him to help me and he brought me people. It’s been crazy.

Two months ago Nate’s dad passed away. We didn’t really know what to think. It seemed like God should’ve let up on Nate and let his dad survive. But Nate wasn’t troubled by it, by his dad being in jail he came to know Jesus which was Nate’s one prayer for his father. We sat in the VA hospital chapel for his funeral, everyone from our bible study and a few other stragglers. Nate was alone now if not for us. Nobody from his family was there because nobody was left. His dad was attending our Monday night discussion and study for a few months before he passed away and I became familiar with him. I have this amazing sense of friends turned family when I think about it though. We all helped put on the funeral; Nate spoke while others of us filled in little duties and provided the music. It just was something that we were all so single minded in, thanking God for our time with his father and trusting that the evil in this situation God would work for good. Far from a drag on the day, this funeral made me realize what it meant to be a friend and what friends I already had in my life.

When we laid his father to rest my friend Matt and I had already begun to meet at his house for bible study. It was a prayer that had been answered after nearly a year and hardly any effort. My friend from Praxis who came up to me was there along with about 4 more people who wanted to be involved. We just began meeting up and cooking brats and talking about Jesus together on Tuesday nights. People around started asking us if they could come and hang with us and we welcomed them. We would sit in their basement around a pool table and discuss life and how we could help each other this week. The one thing that blows me away though is the vibe; every Tuesday night that we hang out there is so much energy and every one just wants to know Jesus more. I cannot say just how thankful I am for my friends around the pool table. They are the people I look forward to hanging out with during the week. The cool thing is that everyone else feels that way. I have heard some really cool stories about how people had been praying for friends like this to help them get through college and it makes me so happy. Happy because I realize that there is something greater in life that we seek that knows us and draws us in.

Last week my group of friends that I originally started meeting with decided we would no longer have a bible study. We were all going into different paths in life. I thank God for it too; it was such a beautiful season of growth in my life. I realized so much about life and walking and learning. The setting was totally serene; we sat outside of another Starbucks, where it began for me and where it ended. All of my friends who had been there for the past two years who helped me through low times as well as great times. We decided that it was just best that we keep moving on. I would usually be sad about an ending like that but it made me excited. Excited because I realized that this wasn’t the end. I realized that I had friends who I was just getting to know and that I was becoming increasingly excited about what God had been doing there. It was an obvious blessing that God has had in store for me, giving me more close brothers and sisters than I have ever had. I love that I have made a ton of friends who want to follow Jesus. The love of Jesus drives me more than anything in life, his love bonds people in incredible ways and draws people so close that it makes me realize what I have missed out on when I am only worried about me, myself, and I.

Outside of Starbucks the last time we met up my friend Mike started to talk about the amazing ways that we had all been connected there and how we had all grown from knowing each other and the influence we have had so far in each other’s lives. I am so grateful to have run into him at Starbucks one lonely night, what a great friend he is. He went on to talk about the ways in which he noticed that God had orchestrated and worked things in our lives and how crazy it was that we were all there, people who for any other reason than Jesus shouldn’t have even known each other. He exclaimed, “You never know who you might influence,” as he said this a teenage kid walked out of Starbucks. Mike proceeded to use the kid as a prop, “For all I know I could’ve just influenced this kids life.” The kid looked at him, kind of befuddled and responded, “what are you guys talking about?” Mike answered back, “Jesus”. The teenage kid who we didn’t know at all responds, “You guys should go to this church down in Tempe called Praxis.” I then realized that the littlest of events, even the most petty, could sometimes hinge something of the utmost significance.

Equal Parts Misguided and Misunderstood

2011-01-28T16:51:00.001-08:00

I used to be a baseball player in high school. I actually loved it because I felt good at pitching. Hitting was not one of my finer points (I hit one home run, in practice... on a windy day), but pitching I could do. It was nice too. I didn't have to be big and buff, but I felt big and buff.

Since high school my desire to be involved with sports at all has gone down dramatically. I read Donald Millers "Blue Like Jazz" and questioned why we even have sports after his space alien chapter. I would see people playing sports and wonder where "Jesus" was in it. I think I have my answer now.

My mom and dad had to talk me in to going to the last two games. In fact, I think I wouldn't have gone to one if I didn't feel the pressure. And you know what? Spending that time with people at the game turned out to be more beneficial than ten hours of reading crappy theology would have been. Enjoying people hitting home runs was better, and making fun of the opposing teams catcher was better.

The reason being: I think we as Christians tend to think that to follow Jesus we must spend time alone, calculating his will, and figuring out what areas we are currently failing in.

I honestly couldn't be more prepared to cuss.

The one thing I want to change about this year is that. I forsake plenty of opportunity to actually help people and actually love on them by never actually stepping out of my comfort zone. I spend the rest of my time in my comfort zone which consists of: music, reading, and talking to my closest friends about God.

Ours is a generation defined by subcultures. They top one another and see things in a more "educated" manner than the next. Don't think so? Read pitchfork.com, king of indie music sites. They sit around and listen to weird music and think it's genius. Says who?

This guy thinks he's over that.

It's time to stop secluding yourself to follow Jesus so that you are sure you are doing it right. It's time to stop being "radical" and it's time to live saved. It's time to stop forcing God into every conversation or dropping an "I'll pray for you" to something dramatic even though you don't intend to.

It's time to start living under grace and experiencing life. Make some new friends and be thankful for old ones. Be less judgmental and more loving. Open up your heart to God, let Him use you as you are. Stop working so hard.

We are all foolish Galatians at times.

(I guess, personally, I learn a lot when I go to NAIA baseball games)

Keep Christ in Crimbus

2010-12-24T21:38:00.000-08:00

So, my last week has been so hopeful. A breath of fresh air. I am more confident in my salvation that at any point in the last year and I am more excited about what God has planned than in I don't know how long. Let me explain why.

Over the last few months I have been very close with many individuals in my life. I have really just seen my life open up as far as possibilities. God has made it incredibly clear that he would love for me to pursue opening a cafe. And He and I need to do more talking about that.

Anyway, please pray for God to provide the the finances needed to do this. I have met so many people in the 9 months that God has been preparing my heart for His will that I feel overwhelmed with resources and help. But turning that desire and light into a tangible resource is difficult. That is the final step in really letting this take hold. I could meet up with all the coffee shop owners I know and have all the amazing ideas in the world, but if I didn't choose to take some steps to doing this I'd wasting the opportunity. I'm trying to understand my responsibility in relation to God's sovereignty.

At my job I have randomly met several customers who own coffee shops around the state and are trying to bring the gospel to the surrounding neighborhoods. Vida E in Globe was one of these... I am still wanting to visit them. Dr. Proffitt at SWC said that I could run the cafe there if I wanted to because they are going to be needing someone in the future. Lately I have been asked to step in and hang out with the guys at The Grove and help them out with making drinks. Sola are great people too. Lux has rad coffee. Cartel has been a staple.

Anyway, a Merry Christmas for me was having God just kind of lay it on my heart to talk to a woman I hardly recognized. She was literally the last person in Nordstrom tonight, we were closed as a matter of fact, and she needed to buy a gift card. God has given me a ridiculous blessing of recognizing people and remembering instances from incredibly long ago. Anyway, this lady is the wife of Scott Morgan, who used to be an assistant pastor at Scottsdale Baptist at least 13 years ago. I was maybe 7 the last time I saw this lady. I told her that I knew who she was. We exchanged a few sentences about churches. She mentioned they started a cafe called Sozo in downtown Chandler. I was rather floored by this because, at the time that Chris, Nate, and I were looking for a building in downtown Chandler we found out that somebody was starting a Christian coffee shop in the same area. We were mildly bummed but since our plans fell through I had completely forgotten about Sozo.

God is intricate. So much detail could be explained. But I felt like God just ignited my heart for this ministry again. I feel empty though. I have no funds and I feel a little empty on the subject. I am becoming a little cynical too because every indie hipster wants to start a coffee shop or buy Toms. I want to follow the Gospel. I want to be consumed with the Gospel. I am afraid I will just be another indie kid who wants to start a cool coffee shop. I think this whole indie scene is confusion praised as authenticity and honesty. Everyone walks around in vnecks and Toms listening to sad and confused music. They like vintage stuff like vinyls and photos while drinking coffee out of a mug. I know from first hand experience. But I am just sick of being confused and contrived.

I want to be solid on Jesus. I don't want to listen to sad music any more or focus on doubt. I am a happy person and I want to fill my life with hope instead of some philosophical honesty. Faith, Hope, and Love.

Sorry I started to vent. I need prayer. Specifically for vision, inspiration, calling, and funds. Let me know if you'd be down to support or have any encouragement. I'd love to meet up with you and discuss / pray about this idea and what the vision for the neighborhood would look like.

Oh and more prayer. I want to start a commune. I've been on the verge for several months. I need to find a 3 bedroom house for less than a thousand a month. I want to fit 3 - 6 people in this house and have a chicken coop outback. We will live in this house to share Jesus to the surrounding area. Pretty scary and raw but I need a lot of prayer for this.

I have ADD.

Michael.

Creep Along Moses

2010-11-28T16:09:00.000-08:00

I am finding that I am needing to be so much more simple in devotion to Jesus. The coolest thing I have found out is that I'd like to be at rock bottom forever. I notice that often I think I can do it alone when I can't. I'm getting burned out. So the most refreshing piece of info / truth I can offer to anyone who reads this is that the harder you try not to sin the more you move beyond God's grace. The more you willfully sin the more you move beyond it as well. But I find that a believer is one who can fall flat on his face in sin and really gets it. I flat out disobeyed God big time this week. Until you really do something you regard as a "bad sin" the religiousity we are prone to can get us in this comfortable works mixed with grace Christianity. When you commit your own "bad sin" you'll know what I'm talking about. You think that God should turn His back on you, and that you don't deserve His grace. The big slap in the face is that I should have been at that point all along. I missed out on God's love and I missed out on loving others. I hope I don't blog again until I start loving people.

For this reason I think that marriage is too sacred for me.

Keith Green is Lame.

2010-11-15T23:06:00.001-08:00

Today I had a man buy me a brownie at Lux Coffe in downtown Phoenix. He was a 61 year-old divorced father who spent his romantic time with men now. His name was John. He was hurting for sure but I loved his generous gesture. He was obviously a regular there, had many friends amongst the slurry of customers, and so loved what this community was about that he wanted me to feel at home. He told me that he told his wife he needed people with tattoos and piercings in his life and that he really experienced that diversity here. There were architects and teachers here and he really experienced diversity and the embrace. In fact, he bought my 4-dollar brownie and sent me off with a warm welcome at this place. I talked small with him but I let him know I sincerely appreciated the gesture.

This was in between a conversation with Richard and April, a married couple who are following Jesus in community in downtown Phoenix. My pal Troy from school was there too. I came there to keep reading sources for my BIB Interpretation paper but ended up also seeing God answer prayers and move my heart in such an amazing way. Troy, Richard, and April weren’t planning on being there. We chatted about what God had been doing in our lives and shared past stories. I felt God brought these people into my life as a refreshing answer to prayer. They are awesome.

When I am worried about fitting in or being cool I forsake the love of people around me. What gain do I really get when I’m trying hard to impress people? I find that this is the thing I struggle with the most. Hands down. It drives me nuts. I cannot tell you how much God has surprised me this year with the people I hang out with at school and life. I have a fantastic friend who is 37 years old. Some of my best friends in life are in their late 20’s and pushing 30. Jesus becomes the common denominator. I am finding that as the things I thought were lame are now becoming cool the door is opening up to witness to people so much. In fact, I just quench the Spirit so much by not letting Him take control of all these areas where I want to look good.

This whole thing is crazy. I just want to make loving God and loving others most ultimate in my life. When that is my focus I stop trying to be cool and I can learn to be real with people and love them where they are at, no matter their social stance or mine. It ends this whole rat race of impressing people. It’s not worth it anyway. Wouldn’t it be best to learn care for people instead of use them for affirmation? I think this only happens when we accept the Gospel. I just think I noticed I’ve been rejecting it way too much in may too many areas of my life. It’s really a relief to set that burden down and trust Him for my needs. Maybe we can even witness to someone who is 61, homosexual, and needing embrace. That embrace is Jesus. I don’t know what it looks like to bring Jesus to a person like this, but I know that I have never felt more open to it. Which is scary, and nothing but Jesus accomplished that it me. He cares for these people even if I don’t have the heart to. I might just be too set on my social comfort to give a hurting person a word of encouragement.

Also, “perfect love casts out all fear”. This has just been raging in my head all month. Gotta apply this passage more! Let me know what you think.

Love, Michael.

"God Knew Exactly Where He Wanted You To Be Placed"

2010-10-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

“I’m telling you this, I don’t know what God is, but at that point… when Stevie assures you that in spite of your troubles “God knew exactly where he wanted you to be placed”, it sure feels like something pretty powerful had to make that guy. One way or the other, that’s my kinda preacher.” –Steve, Hoodlums Owner on Stevie Wonder’s “Have A Talk With God”

Please read that article. Those people are awesome and I see God’s presence all over my time there. I would love to give you some amazing significance to the quote above.

I had a conversation with Steve, the owner of Hoodlums about a year ago that really made me doubt my faith. He literally went straight to the core of how much he disbelieved the Christian faith and I experienced someone’s doubts full force against what I had faith in for the first time. I came home, cried on the floor and begged God to show himself because I just didn’t know anymore. It was at the beginning of what has been the most painful experience of my life.

I look back and I thank God for that experience. I would be honored to have another shot at talking with him about Jesus. I would want Him to know how much I want to be involved in the community he has at Hoodlums and bless him in any way possible. I know that all the brothers I have in my Bible study would feel the same. I want nothing more for Steve than for Him to experience the love of Jesus in a new and fresh way. Pray for Him, please.

This last week has been such a ride of God’s presence day in, day out. I want so badly to write out all the details about what God is doing right now, but for now I’ll tell you five. (For the sake of homework)

I felt loved by the Lord when He brought two friends at SWC into my life because the plans I had for that day didn't work out. (Gave me what I needed not what I wanted) This whole week I have been learning to seek what I need not what I want.

I felt loved by the Lord, tonight, when I met Duru, a Romanian preacher, at Firehouse Subs. He wants to speak at our bible study. (That in itself is five pages of God’s hand)

I felt loved by the Lord when I heard the driver next to me blaring a sermon from Proverbs on giving yet becoming all the more rich. I needed to hear that. I was supposed to feed the homeless that morning.

I felt loved by the Lord when I prayed for other people in my life instead of myself for the first time in I don’t know how long.

And lastly, I felt by the Lord when I saw that Steve posted this. I forgot to tell you that during our conversation over a year ago, as I struggled for answers to Steve’s questions, a man walked in and remarked at my book “The Reason for God”. He explained that it had some great truths inside of it. He walked out of the store after that.

I have felt Loved by the Lord a whole lot this week.

Please keep me, Steve, and other people you Love in prayer.

Listening to: I'm Afraid of Everyone - The National

2010-09-30T22:53:00.000-07:00

If you are reading this, please forgive me. I have been a complete spiritual hypocrite and completely unloving for the last year or so of my life. It wouldn’t have been super evident on the outside, but that’s the hard thing. I masked it as spiritual fervor when in reality my life has been characterized by self-effort to be right with God. I have felt distant and dying in the faith. The faith that I was clinging to was slowly dying. I have now pretty sure I have absolutely no faith in any of the forms of religion that I used to have. I am working on being honest, I want to be able to admit I am not all there and I am a sinner.

Yet I cannot even sustain my own belief! For the last year, maybe two, I have slowly been eaten away at by the idea of predestination, hell, loss of salvation, and biblical errors. I have had several times where I literally wanted to die; I felt so damned and afraid because I couldn’t match up anymore. I read very difficult books like “The Cost of Discipleship” by Deitrich Bonhoeffer and “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan. I noticed how much I “still lacked” and began working myself into a prayerful frenzy. I became amazingly religious. I tried to make Jesus the center of my uncomfortable life because, after all, if you are following Jesus you must give up everything I life that you love (that isn’t Him) or you really don’t have what it takes. You are going to hell if you can’t become a disciple.

The problem with giving up everything is that I just can’t do it. I find that I still sin. Inevitably I will still sin. If I give up all my non-Christian music I inevitably will find myself buying it again down the road. I will then ask God out of much confusion and heartache, “Why did you not give me the strength to turn away from my sin!” You see I cannot stop the sin in my life. I just never stops.

Is there anyone familiar with this? (Now, I’m sure if enough people read this there’s going to be someone who wants to debate. I’m really not looking for this at all)

I can attest that I grew distant from every single human being around me this last year by trying this. I have a Bible study full of loving, loving individuals that I have not been satisfied with. I have looked into my own life and seen how much I lack still and have thought, holy crap, these guys are so lost. I am so sorry. I am the one who was lost.

I began to look at everyone around me and see just how lost they were, just how unsaved they were.

I came to Southwestern this year, expecting people to all be following Jesus the way I was. I was extremely discouraged to see that many didn’t take their spiritual lives as seriously as I did. When sitting through our Bible Orientation Exam I saw many students just scribbling in dots and laughing about how specific the questions were. Oh my it made me so sick! I surely didn’t want to be in a sick environment like this. Since I have been there it’s been difficult to feel like I belonged there. I have just kind of floated around in my spiritual bubble, spouting off the lofty arguments of predestination every double predestined chance I got.

PLEASE:

Let me restart the engines and show you the love that I am beginning to trust in Christ.

There is a God who loves you in spite of everything you could ever do. Believe that He loves you. Believe that He cares for you. If you are a believer and you are like me, ask yourself, am I to be living in fear of sinning? If you hear yes, that was the answer in my heart. Where is there freedom in that? I cannot ever be perfect, I admit that. I confess sin is in my life. I need a savior. I always will.

What about belief? What if I stop believing? Trust He has you no matter what!

Believe in a God who loves the prodigal son, the whore, the drug dealer, the luke-warm, the hypocritical, and the religious just as they are. He does not abandon them for their sins but asks them to trust that He alone can save them, not themselves.

I have been so broken that I have had to relinquish the thought that I can even produce or keep belief up in my own life.

Jesus came to defeat the power of sin didn’t He? He completed all the work at Calvary. He alone, He alone can save us. Not us. We cannot rig the Bible into a game of salvation. We will all end up being Pharisees like me. The game is that we’ve given up so much and done so much for God that He has to let us into His kingdom. We believed in Jesus, in our heads, and we listened to Him say we had to give up all we have. Instead of inciting helplessness in us some of us have actually tried to perform this. I found it completely impossible. I am sinful completely to the core.

I find comfort in the Cross of Christ. He came to die for those who do not have it all together. As the Ragamuffin Gospel states, “We believe in grace in principle, but not in practice.” How comforting it is to live under grace and not the law! I am freed to live my life because of Jesus! I no longer am obligated to do anything but I live out of thanksgiving to Him.

“Honesty before God requires the most fundamental risk of faith we can take: the risk that God is good, that God does love us unconditionally. It is in taking this risk that we rediscover our dignity. To bring the truth of ourselves, just as we are, to God, just as God is, is the most dignified thing we can do in this life.” Gerald May

The Thing That Suck About Following Jesus

2010-02-22T15:22:00.000-08:00

I've always hoped that I'd die a tragic death. That somehow I'd become important to my friends when I'm dead. Somebody would stumble across my music and admire it's genius or shed tears when they read a super spiritual blog of mine or a journal entry foreshadowing the Lord would take me. See inside I don't feel important. I'm just sure of it thought that the hidden genius I am will one day be brought to the light. That the beautiful girl I dream about won't go for the guy with the TAPOUT or AFFLICTION shirt but an honest to God heart is what she'll be after. Then, I'll finally get there. When my friends in an important band decide to casually jam with me and are so taken aback that they insist I step in as the new lead vocalist. Somehow angels begin to turn everything I touch to gold. I always dreamed it would happen someday. See inside I'm a popular guy but on the outside I'm an average joe. You know the part that really suck about it> Seeing the girls I like get swept away. There is a funny balance. Several years ago I made a decision to follow Jesus. I sacrificed alot of friends and ambitions for a higher calling, taking up a cross. Somehow I missed the part about about not being cool and getting humiliated, cause this part sucks. Saying the things that boost my status in the world with friends or enemies, I learned that these hollow phrases should get out of my life. Trends are cool because I feel superior for not following them. Can you relate to my outlook? Somehow since I found it better to give up on impressing people with my clothes, car, career, or status I thought people would recognize how cool I am for doing that. That somehow the beautiful girl and the cheer captain would begin to fight over me when they realized how cool I am. Then I'd make a name for the underdog and Bradley Big Ego wouldn't feel so cool.

This is the part that sucks about following Jesus. I guess some call it shedding pride because it is humbling. To stand up for what is right, to do the things that are most loving, most lowly, you aren't going to get recognition for those things. You might, but if you're doing it right it's not going to matter to you. And here is where I find myself. I'm trying to do what is right, going with Jesus and not the world, and nobody is noticing. I thought that somehow I'd become more cool, cause I certainly felt so. That people would notice how humble I'd become and like me. This is what doesn't work: trying to become humble. I think it just happens through experiences, not effort. But every once in a while I talk with an old friend, and I realize I could try and get them to like me. It kills me in some senses becuase I know we share alot in common, they just don't get where I'm coming from anymore. This desire to be cool either by exaltation (getting recognition) or humiliation (getting recognition) comes in and I realize if I was to choose Jesus he would be neither.

When I am weak enough to choose Him over recognition there is peace.

When I no longer lust for fame there is joy in the little things.

But giving up the war is the battle.

I love journaling, honestly. I've been struggling over this alot recently and to start off I was writing about being honest with myself and the way that I feel most of the time. Especially lately. How I felt in a satirical way, cause I know it isn't right. To be true to the nastiness inside. Somehow when it's all on the pages I feel a weight off. God has taught me, and I play connect the dots with the sickness inside. The reason I share this is because I know brothers and sisters struggling with the same thing and if, by some means, this struggle of mine being out there benefited someone toward Jesus it would mean the world. If you read this, thank you. It means the world.

Pray for me to be completed in Jesus, to gain back the joy that I haven't had for so long because I haven't given up the war. Fighting God is the worst battle you could ever willingly fight.

All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand

2009-12-11T12:05:00.001-08:00

How do we find Jesus as our identity?

“We may spend our days in what we call religious duties and we may fill our devotions with fervor but nothing can set our hearts at rest except real acquaintance with God.” –Hannah Whithall Smith

I find so often that the motivations behind what I think I do for Jesus are pure selfishness. Straight Fiji water. You know what else I find? I can’t cure that.

We know we do it to. We pull the Jesus card to attract a girl or guy when inside we’re a sad sluggish question mark toward this Almighty God. We walk around with our bibles out ready to bring hellfire upon others when inside we feel it burning us as well.

I personally hate that I do this. I really really do. Why is it so hard to make Him first?

I think we want to be significant.

That’s all there is to it.

We search and search… music

Voice: I am significant because I listen to Radiohead and not Creed. I can make awesome artistic statements. This music defines who I am as a person.

We search and search… clothes

Voice: I am significant because I wear toms and a v-neck, showing my individuality and love of all things beautiful.

We search and search… career

Voice: I am going to be a millionaire. Then I will be successful.

And I have to apologize…

Because in writing this I am not purified of this. I wish badly that people would look on me and think that I am significant for writing something that other people couldn’t write. It may not totally saturate my motives but yeah, you know what? I genuinely do wish for that. I wish for those things. We wish for those things.

I wish to be significant. I wish to have meaning.

I wanted to share with you something that I have been going through in hopes that you will realize something that I have:

Jesus showed us where our significance lies.

Your significance is not found in being better than someone else at the things that you do.

We buy into these lies.

When I really think about the darkness of all the lies I believe it is almost overwhelmingly hopeless.

This is where we rely on Jesus. We ask Him to make this change.

Because he showed us the way to the top…

The

BOTTOM.

Significance is found in Love.

I don’t speak of romance either. I don’t speak about finding the right person to complete us and make our lives significant.

Because the day they are gone…

You have nothing.

I think the problem is that we believe in all these false gods. The bible talks a lot about idol worship. God kinda makes a point of it in making it the first commandment.

The Love that I speak of is taking a back seat to others.

Jesus was all about servitude.

He teaches us to Love our enemies

To turn the other cheek

To care more for the needs of others than for our own

To give up the rat race that is human existence and pick up a cross.

John 13: 12-17 Jesus say this cool quote after he washes his disciples feet:

“Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.”

I believe the lies that other things will satisfy me. In America, wow, it is really really easy to get pretty much whatever you want. You could spend a long time searching and wearing out its resources.

I guess we look in all the wrong places.

Jesus is where we are to find our satisfaction and joy, our identity. To delight in Him and living his path, the path that gives up on satisfying yourself. I promise that path is amazing. The path where your feet get cleaner the dirtier you get.

All other ground is sinking sand.

Jesus. Please. Help us to see you. Not us.

Jesus and Rubio's.

2009-10-15T14:48:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day. I stopped by Rubio’s for lunch, which I only do when I have had a refreshingly good day. It’s literally the perfect combination: Two fish tacos with a few drops of lime, chips, beans, and to top it off the perfect clash of Vanilla and Coca-Cola. Something about Vanilla Coke just does it for me on days like this and I really don’t know why. I sat there toward the end of my meal and looked outside and I swear everything in the world looked better through that window at Rubio’s.
I’ve really struggled over my salvation recently, whether or not I could lose it or whether or not I’d find it. To be fair I never disbelieved Jesus but have had difficulty coming to terms with hell. I mean seriously? Eternity? At least send someone there to whip them into shape when they die so God could say “Now get your butt into heaven, you don’t want to go back!” So I guess this is what I see as a fitting choice when I play god, which is what gets me into trouble in the first place.
But today...
And I guess yesterday...
I’ve changed on that quite a bit.
I sat there, looking through that window at Rubio’s and wondered, “What if we had just existed in Paradise? I mean just skip the whole Earth stage completely?” This question is not as much a “Why didn’t You?” but more so just a thought.
It occurred to me that our names are written in the Lambs Book of Life. We have been written in there from the get go according to the Bible. I read a lot yesterday from a book about eternal security. I believe God will let everyone who trusts that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life into His heaven, even if they lost faith during life. To say anything less takes away from the greatness and the goodness of the news we speak of and allows for us to cast others into hell with our minds. Is that short of loving others? I’d say so. So one thing I find beautiful is that he has us already taken care of, we are safe. Nothing could ever snatch us out of His hand! Good news!
But when I thought of evil in our world I thought about stories and how we are all in love with movies and stories where good overcomes evil, where there is restoration. Is that how the human heart works? Are we wired to love that?
The Lambs Book of Life quite possibly became more beautiful than anything else in that moment. Far from being simply a list of survivors, could this be the greatest story ever told? We who have been redeemed by Christ, how joyful would it be to read the story of the universe where you played a role in the writing of the Lambs Book of Life? Maybe someday we will all sit down and be able to read the Lambs Book of Life where we can read about all of our friends who played a role in God’s story and we can say, “I know them!” with moistened eyes as we realize the beauty of God’s redemption. We can skim through to our story and realize that God let us play a role in the greatest story ever told and how He used that pain we felt for something beautiful.
When I thought about that, I didn’t want to worry about evil anymore. I didn’t have to doubt God.
Instead of paradise He had another plan. I like to trust that His plan is better than mine.
He is I AM.

Hanging on the fringe

2009-05-06T09:05:00.001-07:00

SO... this writing was pretty much a vent. A good vent, I feel it could be useful to someone. But I want to let you know in advance.

I'm going to be totally honest with anyone who reads this: I am probably at the lowest point of my young life. Now I don't really think it is noticeable, but I am hanging on the fringe. I can't keep from going insane over the idea of a career. I have gone into college with a full ride scholarship, lost it all from a math final, and tackled the second semester on an empty tank. There is nothing to power my movements. I can't describe to you the failure that I have felt since being in college. I have no direction which I am looking for, pressing ever onward towards a family or a job. I have too much fear to seek being a pastor, too much care to just pick something, too little drive now to keep going in school. I want to take a break, just a semester off to figure out myself, but I see that as failure yet again and an inability to stick through with college. Just like everyone who turns out to be no one.

Jesus is the only thing in my life that I live for. That is not only because I seek him, but I'm slowly losing myself in the process of wanting to know Jesus. It hurts, but obviously it is necessary as we are to die to ourselves. I've been blaming God for the last 6-12 months for a lack of direction, which I have prayed fervently for. (Setting: Right now I sit at the end of this semester, ready to fail math again, hopefully nothing else, but if I do...) I look constantly for his direction, yet I find the lack is not God but myself. My own immaturity in personality and my own character flaws have kept me from seeing him. Not God, God is perfect and totally self sufficient. Recognize that.

Now, I don't know when I'm going to figure it out. It's funny, every time I get a hint of desire or direction I feel joy. I have never felt more bi polar in my life. It's as if every time I can think I might be onto something I am happy, but that can change in a moment of thought. Literally the mood swing of a lifetime. I'm not emo haha, or even a negative person at all, but I am searching for God knows what, and it hurts because God hasn't revealed it to me yet. Yet he is perfect, that is what I know. He is all that is worth knowing. I can no longer be angry at God for a lack of direction, or failing in college. There are bigger fish to be fried. I will pray, and I will live. Pray for me, please. I love all of you my friends. When I figure out this game of life, you will know...

You my friend, are a boat!

2009-03-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

We are all in the waters of life. Exploring each ocean of thought eventually to move on to the next. We tread the waters, test the waves, dive to the depths and figure what lies under, and then we move on. Then, suddenly, we arrive at dry ground. Only then do we discover the next overwhelming seas to tackle just on the horizon.

In my years following what I thought to be true I have realized some great principles and essential philosophies. I find I can put these into a chronological form of sorts to recognizing truth:

The first great Ocean I tackled was what is true. This is about the purpose of life, the defining moment when you realize that the only way to live is beyond yourself. True satisfaction lies therein. We have been hardwired to expend worship and adoration. In order for our worship to keep from vanity, we need to live towards what is true; what won't be a waste of our time and effort. The biggest desire of my heart is that I will die knowing I lived truth. But how can we know what is true? The only way is through evidence, we find what stands against criticism, we test, we must mentally struggle with counter arguments. You know what I find to be blatantly true? The Bible is the word of God! It has stood for thousands of years without inconsistency. And if there were but one inconsistency then throw the whole book out! Then the whole book could not be reliable and we would rightly need to find where the greater Purpose lies.

Secondly, the Ocean of the revolutionary life of Jesus Christ. The evidence that Jesus is the Son of God is overwhelming. Had he not resurrected would there be a church? Would people who saw Jesus die, knowing if the story ended there that was it, go out and die martyrs deaths? Peter was crucified upside down! Surely they didn't all go insane or all have hallucinations of seeing Jesus. Historically, these events have stood. In my last year, I have taken a step back to look at theories such as atheism and dualism, and I find those be dead ends. I can make my conclusions about the Bible, and lay that aside the argument. The struggle is over.

This next Ocean is where I'm anchored in currently. This one scares me. My eyes are open, and I get a glimpse of what is ahead of me and it makes me want to shut them and to go back to sleep. This Ocean requires all of my trust. I'm going to try and paint this: Imagine a period of sickness. You stay home from school and do nothing but stay inside, watch television and sleep. Three days go by and you finally feel well enough to go outside. You open the door, and your vision is overwhelmed by the light. You notice the trees and plants are a vivid green, the sky is fluorescent blue. Do you want to know what this represents? I have stepped into the world of trusting God because I believe in Him. There is a new set of eyes I'm opening, and they filter the world differently. The biggest difference? Satan becomes real. Freedom in Christ means something. I can see satan's deceptions in my life, and move around them, because my eyes know two things: there is God at work, and Satan who deceives. Lies may include: Demonic forces were only at work in Bible times, you can lose your salvation, and the entire new age spirituality idea. The lies are limitless because our entire culture is a lie. The lie that we will be brought happiness through our accomplishments and our lifestyles. But friend, if you're reading this, know that the only way you are only going to be free will be once you defeat satan in your life, and break the bondage of his lies with the freedom of Jesus Christ.

If you're saying to yourself, "All this satan talk is a little to much, pretty out there. I mean satan? Couldn't he just say evil or bad stuff?" then you can see the lie at work right before you. Please know, this is such a recent discovery in my life, I don't mean to sound proud or arrogant. I am no Billy Graham either. Yet discovering a life truth is something I love sharing, I live for it. "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1. "You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free" John 8:32. Friend, please realize that Freedom in Christ comes from defeating bondage. Bondage isn't just sinful lifestyle, it is accepting anything less than the truth, which is fully evil. Keep me in your prayers. Much love, Michael.

A Walk in the Mall

2008-08-08T19:54:00.000-07:00

So lately I’ve been reading this book called “Blue Like Jazz”, and I was very skeptical at first. I’ve heard the author Donald Miller was emergent, which can be a bad thing so I came into the reading fairly cautious. For anyone looking for a read that helps you tie together life experiences to how God is I would highly recommend it. But I’m about half way through the book now and I must say, it will challenge you. Not in a “you’re a sinner” sense, but maybe you can see through an experience I found quite profound.

Yesterday, I decided to talk a break to have a conversation with God, which I have lately realized is actually the most important part in our relationship. I went down to Scottsdale to see my grandmother and let her give me ice cream. For some reason she wasn’t answering the door so I thought she was out with my grandpa. I decided I’d come back later when I thought they’d be home. So I took a couple of hours to just walk down at Scottsdale and just simply converse with God.

There is a specific chapter in Blue Like Jazz that talks specifically about how he used to be such a cheesy Christian, kissing babies and saying “God bless you” when in reality he didn’t even understand what “God bless you” really meant. I thought to myself, “You know, I really don’t know either, hmmm.” Which is funny, a lot of times we really say these empty Christian clichés because they sound really good, and we hear religious leaders say them.

So as I’m walking around this mall just conversing with God, it was like I was totally gone. Just so off in my own world talking to God, which is great because I that is something I have been terrible at. By no means am I trying to be “look at me and how Godly I am” Christian by telling this, it’s just been on my heart to blog about it. But as I was walking I just kept running into this kid. After about the fifth time seeing him I just felt God tugging at my heart “Talk to him.” So I did exactly the opposite and just kept walking. After 10 seconds had gone by of me rejecting the idea I noticed he was looking in the trash cans for stuff, and he really looked poorly clothed. He may not have been homeless but I know God wanted me to talk to him. SOOO… after much denial I tapped him on the shoulder at his next stop and asked:

Me: “Hey man, how you doin’?”

Kid: “Ah good man.”

Me: “Cool, cool man. I was just wondering if you needed anything, maybe get you lunch or something.”

Kid: “Ah I’m good man, don’t worry about it.”

Me: “You sure man, I was gonna get lunch and you know, just wanted to see if I could do something nice for someone.”

Kid: “Well I am getting pretty hungry… but I really don’t want anything.”

Me: “You sure man?”

Kid: “Yeah, thanks though. How are you doing?”

Me: “I’m doing good man just kinda hanging out, seeing if I could do something nice for someone.”

Kid: “That’s cool man. Well… bless you.”

Me: “Yeah man, God bless you.”

As the words, as they were slipping off of my tongue… I was like “Agghhh!”

I was walking away and I realized what I did. I used a really hollow phrase that I thought sounded religious. But did I really mean that? I know it really isn’t that big of a stretch to say something like that. But I look back, and that was being pretty fake. It wasn’t that that was how I felt about him and wanted him to be “blessed” by God, I wanted to sound godly. Which is not what it’s about. It’s not about being more Christian everyday. It’s about grower closer to Jesus and his likeness everyday. Praying, talking, sharing with God. But I thought that was funny how God used the chapter of the book I had read mere hours before and took it and brought me to a special encounter and I caught myself being shallow. So, I guess, if anyone reads this… just be challenged by it I guess. We need to work on being more Christ like in a Christian culture that really wants to act Christian instead of in the heart knowing Christ and letting that love show in how we treat people. Our hearts could be off and our actions look Godly, but we really aren’t.

Being Broken, Staying Broken

2008-06-16T09:43:00.001-07:00

So yesterday at church a man from rock bottom ministry (go to the ministry site if you want to know more about him) spoke about being at rock bottom. Although I may not be anywhere near rock bottom I can certainly relate, and I think that this is so significant.

I would absolutely love to live at rock bottom. There is no where to go but to God. Literally He is all you have left. Think about it for a second. At every moment in our lives where we hurt badly that is where we turn to God, even those who do not follow him. That is when we realize our need for him. Now it may have sounded totally wacked to say that I would want to LIVE at rock bottom, but I actually do. That would be the point when we would always count on him.

Something I learned from Wildwood, for all you Wildwooders, is that this life we lead has so many distractions. It is amazing. I distinctly remember walking out of the bus, and walking back to the bus after stopping for lunch on the way home to be two completely different experiences. I was feeling so overwhelmed by everything going on that I started to think it just wasn't going to happen. That eventually I was just going to start to have the typical fade out that christians do after a camp.

This is why I think it is so key for us to live at rock bottom. Of course, this is a ridiculously hard task, given today's society. But at the same time, I believe it is achievable. After all, can you think of anything that matters more?

So, I all I am saying is that I wish I could harness the mindset of living at rock bottom for my life. Refer to Luke 15:11-32

The book I began writing and a change of heart...

2008-06-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was at a serious spiritual low. I had felt totally disconnected in my walk with God, very discouraged. It all began after senior trip. I decided to write a book about theological problems and certain beliefs I had. To this day, I look back a little embarassed, but at the same time I believe that this has some spiritual depth to it. If you decide not to read this I still beg you to read section 4 on prayer. This is basically my first blog. I just hope you can understand where I hope to take this is the future. Enjoy!

At the Time of Writing…

Introduction

So…

These first three writings took place sometime last week, towards the end of May, right after my senior year. I had been struggling in my prayer life. These topics are actually very prying and fist shaking. They demand answers from God on certain topics which of course is a little naïve considering that not all topics can be answered. You can’t just expect everything to make perfect sense in your mind regarding a God you can’t see or truly experience with your five senses. I think our god isn’t God if he fits inside our heads. Rob Bell discussed in the Velvet Elvis that he thought that once a person compiled all their beliefs about God and became close-minded that they had in a sense built God. Imagine a wall of doctrine. Much like a skewed version of Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”. Each brick is a piece of doctrine or theology you believe in. Once you take a brick out they all fall and the wall is very unstable. But if each doctrine is like a spring on a trampoline you can bounce on it and let them all stretch, because after all, they are just there to help you jump higher. So I give you the first three parts to my writings.

I currently am a little low in my spiritual life, coming out of 2 years of difficult learning experiences and a number of people urging me to pursue writing has lead me here. I don’t want this work to come across like another person writing a book about their life, I believe there’s a time and a place for everyone to share their story. But taking up your time for that seems very cliché not to mention rude. I think there are certain insights I pray that God would allow you to see or possibly open you up to. And if it is His will maybe you’ll be horrified and rebuke my discussions. I also don’t want this to come off as a Rob Bell book, where I raise more questions than I answer. I thought however that I might blend the two. There are a lot of things I dislike about both of those aspects, but I hope you, the reader would find certain awe-inspiring thoughts or discussions raised. So good luck, I pray that you would find something good in here to point out. Some things I have written may come across very doubtful of God and his power, and my faith may appear little. But I am not writing about what I do believe. It would be pointless to point out everything that I do believe. Read a church mission statement if you want good beliefs. Maybe sometime later in the book I will point out my stances and what makes me believe in my faith. But I am trying to stretch things. Certain biblical doctrines I have a hard time wrapping my mind around, stories, and ideas that make your head hurt. These are certain viewpoints I find might possibly go along with scripture that I hold or am struggle to an extent to understand. I have a good friend whose Facebook says that one of his interests is “having conversations that make your brain hurt”. I hope that you enjoy these as much as I do.

1.God

On the aspect of God, I do believe in Jesus Christ. As I’ve gone through life I’ve been told God offers you tests. He will withdraw from you, never totally or even in actuality gone, but in a sense you lose what you know him to be. I could be totally wrong on this, but I believe the bible offers support (speak to me for references or look for them yourself). God uses these times to strengthen our faith, to shape us in character, and in our relying on him to get us through each day. These times have been the hardest for me, but after I have become much more stable in my faith. There is a more solid foundation.

2. The Holy Spirit

Right now I am in a stage of losing faith. A visit to the doctor’s office gave me more than I had intended once I began scrolling through Time magazine. I love the ever present variety of educational topics that are available in Time, and every time I step foot in that Doctors office, I will pick up the latest issue. What deeply troubled me was an article I read about a neurologist who said he could physically prove that communing with the almighty may just be certain areas of the human brain communicating with each other. Which got me to zone out to a completely different world for the next twenty minutes. Think about it? What if your religion is really just you communicating with yourself? We all would be speaking to ourselves as if God was really there, but in reality he would only be a figment of our imagination. I was so deeply troubled by this. Someone bringing forth evidence that it is all in our heads. It rocked my world. For the next few weeks I sought out answers and to this day not one comforts me, as I would’ve hoped. I was more worried about souls that communing with my head. If you take a step back and look, is there any physical evidence ever that we have souls? From the other point of view since there is no evidence it can be invalid. But I still strive to know the answer. I realize that there IS a spiritual word and that this infinitely intelligent and vast universe did not spring from itself, there was a creator. I believe Christ is the only answer to this. But, looking at physical evidence (I really wish I had the finishing touches on that Time Magazine report), there arises doubt. Doubt that makes it uncomfortable to go about life the same without having that question comfortable answered. After all, if we just mindlessly accept whatever comes our way we become Mormons, just kidding. We become followers of something without knowing why. We don’t own the faith for ourselves. I absolutely hate to see someone who claims my Christian faith who lives the opposite. Just because they have their fire insurance doesn’t mean they can live life however they please. Which makes everyone who tries seemingly a douche bag.

Now think about it, how do you know you have the Holy Spirit inside you? There is zero evidence. My search made it even more confusing. People said he is a spiritual and actual being. People say he came about once Christ left, but what is different about our generation than the generations without the Holy Spirit? How can we look at a human and know that an actual holy spirit has manifested itself in you and what is manifesting in this context? It is possible that the Holy Spirit is the beginning of a transforming of a mind, a certain nickname for that change in a persons mindset once they accept that Christ is God. But is it possible that the Holy Spirit is the perfect actuality of who Jesus is? Since everything Jesus was about was contradictory to what human nature is, wouldn’t it make sense that something else could be at work? As if Jesus and his spirit, which was giving and totally transcendent to God, was somehow taking a form in your life. I do believe in the Holy Spirit. I have to because I do believe everything God says about Himself is the ultimate reality. Now what I think is possible is that a soul is the essence of who someone is that is somehow a tangible thing separate from this reality.

Back to the soul question, what changes inside of us once the Holy Spirit is in us? These people who claim the faith but don’t live it, that makes it tough. In the scriptures it talks about the farmer who plants the seeds. Some accept it and take it in, others it bounces right off their heads, and still others hear it reject it. So what happens when someone proclaims the faith but his or her life doesn’t show it. Take an example of a kid I had the opportunity to play baseball and attend high school with. This person wasn’t godly at all from what I had known. I observed this person for nearly a year and never once seemed to be convinced of his faith. He died. Everyone went into this frenzy about how much he loved the Lord and “Man, he was discuss the scripture with his girlfriend right before he died”. Which is all well and good. But would you think differently if it came out that this person died of complications of the drug heroin? Now think about it, seriously. I had seen no action of faith in this person’s life, but everyone was saying how much he loved the Lord. But we can tell a persons heart by their fruit. I don’t mean to judge this person or anything they did, but I think it’s hard. This is a tough example of not knowing who is saved or unsaved. When you say what you mean about Christ from your heart or “pray the prayer”, is that what keeps you from hell, no matter how much you turn the other way in your life?

3. Jesus Christ

Now I don’t think that I am about to say anything radical that could possibly make me look like I misinterpret the scriptures, but I have a few questions to bring up about the resurrection. I also realize we could continue to question this forever on the finer points. But at what point and for what reason did Jesus have to die by crucifixion? Think of it by this illustration: Rob Bell in his book “Velvet Elvis” states that Jesus is woven into the core of this universe. He is God and creation screams out his name. What if Jesus, being a perfect human being who died without sinning was what canceled out sin? Seriously, It wasn’t that God demanded a penalty and as it was that each of our sins were somehow tallied up and paid in full by his brutal and savage death. But that it was the fact that sin, in itself had lead to the demise of humanity, cutting us off from perfect fellowship with the father, ultimately ended in death. He was sinless, born of a virgin. Jesus was literally born without being tied to Adam and his sin since there was no man involved. So is it too far out to think that Jesus dying was actually God able to say since this human (who was 100% human and also 100% God) and lived a sinless life, I can see actual good in them. Since humanity by nature is sinful, he broke the barrier. So those who live under the influence of that essence of who Jesus is (the Holy Spirit) I can see the good in them as well! It’s in the way that they make actions contrary to the self-seeking nature they are born into. That could be what the Holy Spirit evidence is. It’s almost totally freakishly outlandish then to do something like get on your knees and pray that the Lord would reveal what He would want you to do, and that you could conform your path to His words in the Bible. It’s a beautiful thing. This really is the ultimate reality in our universe I believe.

4. Prayer

Something that was discussed in the Time Magazine article was how prayer was something that possibly could just be our minds talking with another part of our minds. This is something that I have thought before at times when I pray. That I am simply talking with someone inside my head. My mind is bringing back responses. I also realize full well this could be God. But what is it that makes our words prayer? Is there a certain line of access that we can use anytime we want to talk to God? A very terrible illustration would be a phone line. Do you really think our prayer life is like a phone line? Because our real lives are not like phone lines so what makes a prayer a prayer? God is totally almighty over this so it isn’t as if I truly think I can wrap my mind around everything about Him. Yet is there something I’m missing? Is it that God hears everything we say no matter if it has in Jesus’ name attached to the end or not? That He will aid us in our lives according to His good, pleasing, and perfect will? Something to think about. I believe in the power of prayer. I once prayed for a girl who possibly would’ve been pregnant as a freshman in high school. The situation was very grim. Two teen boys had unprotected sex with her and there was no reason she shouldn’t have been pregnant. But through much prayer, and I mean prayer every time I thought about it, and many others constantly prayer, she was not pregnant. I know, you could say that the probability of that isn’t terrible, even without God’s interference (I hate that phrase because I believe he is involved in the tiniest detail whether we want Him to be or not). If you did say that then I offer you one more story.

The biggest influence on my high school developing years was a youth intern named Mike Szoradi. He had grown up in the church I had grown up in, and my father taught him in Sunday school. We instantly connected when I got a job at Fossil watches. He was the third key manager and I was a sales associate. He was to me, the embodiment of what it meant to be a sold-out follower of Christ. Recently his wife had become pregnant. She was due to have a baby towards the end February of 2007. On October 3 she went into an emergency c-section due to serious complications in the term threatening the baby and mother. This is nearly 4 months prematurity. The odds of survival were under one percent. The prayers came back this time. As a youth group we would always pray for Mike’s baby, that he would work out His perfect will in the situation, because we were praying for a miracle. We prayed non-stop for the situation to leave the baby unharmed, but above all let His will be done. There was little to no chance the baby would survive her first night. The next day we began praying, but I still was waiting for when the baby would actually die. It was a week or so that had passed and they were beginning to run tests on the baby. There was a certain chance she would have brain damage due to the fragile skull, and an almost certain chance that she would be blind as well. The tests came back completely negative on both. The doctors were completely amazed and touched by how this baby did not have brain damage. Because of how fragile she was when brought out of the womb there would almost certainly be bleeding on the brain. After a few more days her kidneys failed. She bloated up like a balloon. Because of all of this pressure on her small body there was again almost certainly going to be brain damage. Test. Results. None. After a day or so they began working again and she slowly began to lose the bodyweight that had made her swell. The fact that the kidneys failed on such a fragile life would almost certainly lead to the death of the infant. But prayer was a constant in this situation. Non-stop. Every night. Every week at youth group we would meet after and hold hands to pray for Lexi Szoradi and that God would continue to work in her situation. So far the baby had overcome all odds and was completely unharmed despite being four months premature. Now the baby still faced months in the hospital. The bill for this stay in the hospital was already in the millions. The Szoradi’s had no insurance to pay for it. So they applied for insurance to at least help aid. There was nothing that insurance company would do because of the ridiculous risk involved. The next week at church a woman whose sister worked for State Farm approached the couple and begged them to talk to her sister to see what she could do. So a few days later they went in to see what she could do for them. All this time the prayer was absolutely unceasing from probably around a hundred people, though I could be completely wrong. All I know is that she told the couple there was nothing she could do. Then took a second glance at the papers, noticed a detail not seen before. She began to explain that every. Single. Cent was going to be paid for. All bills for Lexi were 100% covered. Now tell me that is not a miracle. I am proud to say that Lexi is living a completely normal childhood. Despite four months prematurity. It truly only was because of the prayers that were lifted and the recognition that God was the only one who could aid in the situation. There was under a one percent chance she would survive. I think I see the evidence of God.

5. Actions

Do you really think it is okay to smoke as a Christian? I think that over my years as a Christian it has been hard for me to rationalize smoking and drinking. I even strived to prove that marijuana could be absolutely fine for a Christian to smoke. But something more difficult for me to get past was smoking. Think about it. Only one reason is enough. Do you never feel, that in the slightest, that the Holy Spirit is saying “Michael, there is better things for you than smoking?” Would Christ smoke? It is bad health wise, therefore detrimental to your body. Of course, you could throw the argument that our air is detrimental to our bodies as it is full of smog and pollution. You could say the same for soda. But something so blatantly terrible for your health cannot fall into the same category. Sure one cigarette won’t give you cancer or yellow teeth or even black lungs but does it convey the image that we as Christians are to uphold in this world? Not that we are expected to be perfect, but this is an almost arrogant attitude saying that we can be in the world and still belong in society and love Christ. People look to Christians because they know there is supposed to be something different about us. It is supposed to be conveyed in our actions, and in that way people will see and want to join us in this joyful lifestyle. We really do have expectations to live up to. That we will act as the one who we follow acted. Which leads me to another discussion

6. Fakes

I struggled for so long going to Valley “Christian” High school with being a Christ follower. It’s almost harder to be an open believer there than I would imagine it being at a public school because people there claim Christ’s name as well and look at you funny for not being a part of the crowd. Not being popular or wanting to worship God, or expressing your distaste for things that may be sinful there. After all, everybody there has to claim the name of Christ to enter the school. So, not limiting fake Christians to Valley Christian High School, there is a certain disheartening that comes along with trying to sell out your heart, soul, and mind to Jesus Christ. Because when you are following the spirit to the best of your ability, there is someone out there who isn’t and is wearing your favorite t-shirt of your favorite band, when they don’t really listen to them. Your trying to show the world what it truly is to be a Christian. It’s not just a set of rules and things you can’t do or fun you can’t have in order to escape hell. It’s truly being able to live life to the fullest. There is such a joy with realizing that if you follow the lifestyle the bible shows you will have joy and peace constantly. Is it ever better than this? As a human when your actions transcend yourself, you truly feel purpose. You can feel free; you can live without the weight of guilt (you don’t have to be perfect, God knows you aren’t). Your actions will change who it is you are the more you grow in an intimate spiritual relationship with your savior. There is a flexible path that the Lord has set out if you stick to his word; act justly and love mercy, and you walk humbly with your God.