TOP TEN RECORDS OF THE YEAR (+ 1)

So, to say the least, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything… a REALLY long time. I used to write quite a bit, delving into my spiritual life and baring it all on here. After some reevaluation and heart checks I think I may be back in business. And what better way than to give you my Top Ten Albums of the Year? Hope this gives you a good look at some of, in my opinion, the years best offers.

Re-Release of the Year: The Beach Boys – SMiLE

I had heard this album several times over the last couple of years but it was always in fragmented takes and never truly realized. In fact, half of the draw to this album is it’s historical background. In short, Brian Wilson was trying to outdo Sgt. Peppers by the Beatles and ended up going completely insane and scrapped the project… in 1967. What you finally get to hear is a painstakingly crafted album that was pieced together over the last few years from the original masters. I love the 60’s music in general, and this is no exception. It is so psychedelic that you can’t help but think of some sort of demented carnival while you listen to it. Definitely worth a good listen.

10. Gungor –Ghosts Upon the Earth

I saw these guys with John Mark MacMillan a few months ago just when this album came out. They put on a heck of a show, and blew away the entire arena of people. This dude is a prodigy on the guitar, and the craziest band to back him up. I read a blog by him that really spoke what I believed about the Christian music industry, and I’m so excited to see how they make an impact in this dying scene that they truly bring life and vibrance to.

9. John Mark MacMillan – Economy

Perfect driving record. In fact, that’s really the only time when I listen to it, and it’s always on repeat. He did such a good job on this album. Songwriting is top notch and the recording has such a warm feel to it. This is like Bruce Springsteen but worship. John Mark and Michael Gungor are carrying the Christian music industry into the next generation. It’s refreshing to see, since my favorite music is relating to Jesus, but my least favorite is Christian contemporary.

8. Iron & Wine – Kiss Each Other Clean

Sam Beam is one of the best songwriters of our generation. This album is so left field from Shepherds Dog that it actually made some fans mad. But if I had one word to describe this record it would be groovy. Great bass lines, clavinet, and sax solos. I love “Big Burned Hand”, and “Godless Brother” but I can’t really pick out a track I don’t like. This one is perfect for driving around and just taking some time to think. Can’t have too much of that in your library.

7. Radiohead – The King of Limbs

Not much to be said here. Radiohead always kills it. This one is a natural progression from In Rainbows. I don’t know if it their best, it certainly is their shortest, but I can’t help but love all of it. Such a good relaxing listen, and it just gets better with time. The deluxe “newspaper” edition was a pretty sweet addition to my vinyl collection.

6. Hands – Give Me Rest

This band I have followed since day one. I was blown away with their atmospheric / post-metal sound on The Sounds of Earth (a concept album about all the attributes of the world, heady… I know) and I was digging Creator. But Give Me Rest is the band at their best. All the songs have such a great vibe to them. “I Will” is for sure my favorite metal track of the year, while “Restart” and “Give Me Rest” have such a spiritual passion that I can’t help but get goose bumps when I listen to them. I’m not too much of a metal guy anymore, save for a few bands, but I just find it boring. This album isn’t really metal, but it’s definitely not just alternative. I don’t know, find out for yourself.

5. Thrice – Major/Minor

At the risk of actually going into ridiculous lengths of writing where no one would want to read it, I will try to keep this realistic. Thrice are one of the greatest bands around. Since Vhiessu they haven’t put out anything that I haven’t completely eaten up. Heck, by the time this one rolled around I was still listening to Beggars regularly, and still am. But Major/Minor is a band in their 30’s, who doesn’t care about impressing anyone. The songs aren’t nearly as experimental as Vheissu or Alchemy Index, but like Beggars, they maintain a gritty, rock feel that somehow stays even truer. The lyrics are the most personal and the most Christ centered they have ever been for Thrice, don’t believe just hear “Listen Through Me”. More like a hymn. Front to back this one rules. I think the best way to describe this album is a Beggars Pt 2, and I don’t mind that at all.

4. Fleet Foxes – Helplessness Blues

To be fair, I don’t think I like this one as much as the first. Though this one has a lot more to offer, I love the fact that the first Fleet Foxes record reminds me of nature and the renaissance. This record just has a little bit too much cynicism and hopelessness for me to truly but into. But, that being said this has to be one of the most gorgeous and important releases in music this year. The Shrine / Argument could be my favorite track this year (that sax solo at the end is complete nonsense, but I wouldn’t have it any other way). As a whole this has so much to offer as far as diversity in songs and seeing them live with Bon Iver really capped the Fleet Foxes experience off for me.

3. Bon Iver – Self Titled

I was a sleeper with Bon Iver, I got his first album a few weeks before the new one came out. And as far as Bon Iver fans go, I’m up there but I’m not one of those people who thinks his music reaches deep into my life like Stephen Colbert. In fact I can’t make out more than 25 % of his lyrics. Most of them he sounds like he either is or will be crying anywhere in the near future. But he doesn’t do it any better than on “Halocene”, probably one of my favorite tracks of the year. In fact, the first three tracks off this album are flawless and could be the standout stretch of tracks this year. As a whole I think this is a great listen, maybe one of the best albums as a whole this year, but the part that makes it my third favorite is that I can’t square Bon Iver with anything else in my library. The vibe you get from listening to this guy isn’t replicable, and makes his newest album a must hear from this year.

2. James Blake – Self Titled / Enough Thunder

This guy is insane. Among my group of friends I think we all love James Blake. I was among the last to actually give this guy a shot but I can’t say that I regret that choice. This dude is among the most unique sounds out there, but it’s never too experimental or self indulgent. Crisp, Dark, Smooth, Reflective, and Soulful all come to mind when I think of this guys stuff. It’s organic, yet almost totally electronic. Crazy rhythms, and glitches cover his full length and end up being a dreamy, perfect way to end the night. Sitting out back with Max, Jon, Paul, and Nate having some hookah is what this album is all about for me. Ask any of those guys and they’ll tell you either of his releases this year are default choices for chilling outback and relaxing.

1. MuteMath – Odd Soul

Odd Soul took me by surprise. The first track I heard sounded great, but I wasn’t quite sure of the message. In reality, I hated Armistice, the groups second full length. I tried so hard to like it, but it’s MuteMath at their most compromised spot. They scrapped the album they had worked on to work with a producer that thought they sucked. And the lyrical content of the album was about as bleak as any. But with Odd Soul the group truly redeems themselves. This album murders from beginning to end. The opening riff on Odd Soul forces your head to move along with the music. I’ve never heard blues-electro rock mixed together with a slightly reggae voice. Didn’t plan on looking for it either. But from front to back this album just energizes you. It’s definitely a grower though. My friend Paul noticed that the last 6 songs were his favorite stretch of the album. I couldn’t agree more. And if you are looking for a whole album to enjoy, as I am, that’s the most crucial spot for holding attention. “Walking Paranoia” has to have some of the most massive changes that I’ve ever heard from measure to measure.

One of the most relatable parts of the album for me is the lyrical content. I wasn’t really sure about this album at first lyrically but once I read an article in Relevant about the bands struggles this really opened it up for me. They are on the warming up side of disillusionment with the Church and Christianity. “Walking Paranoia” also poses this crazy picture of drummer Darren King as a kid looking at the “porno rack” and being so nervous that he was heading to hell because of it. The song is all about anxiety and wondering if he is on “hells highway”. I think this is something that all religious kids struggle with at some point and I am so glad someone painted a great picture of it.

The album does come off kinda jaded at times, but I kinda like that. Spirituality is messy and sometimes theres loose ends all over the place. Those loose ends are tied up on the closing track “In No Time” where Paul Meany sings “Where’s your heart gone and where’s your soul? Where did all of your faith go?... I bet we’ll find it in no time at all” as if to put a period at the end of their struggling. Well done MuteMath, well done.

The Faithfulness of God

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail, and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places. Habbakuk 3:17-19.

If you are lonely, and you don’t know where Jesus is, he is sovereign. I have wrestled with this so much, so deeply and so truly. I just want to let you know that he loves you. I am growing to feel this deeply. I trust that all things work together for the good of those who love God. I just gave up trusting in myself (and my own reasoning) after I realized I had been living with despair for the last 6-12 months. I have realized that there is no joy in doubting God or trusting in your own reason.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. James 1:2,3

The more that I realize I am unhappy with being where I am at in life the more I realize I have to trust God on everything. The longer that I have had to wait to find the love of my life the more I realize that God is sovereign. Every inch of the way he knows where I am going and when things suck, I realize that I am being pushed to being more like Jesus and trusting him. I find that the more uncomfortable I am the more I learn and the more I become a man of peace. The less that I can trust in my own self the more I exhibit the fruit of the Spirit.

So I have started with hope again, this began at the point of exhaustion and it will continue as long as God lets me be exhausted. I have hope that no matter what difficulty or hurt is in my life that God is using it to bring about greater joy in my heart and greater dependency on Him. There will be pain in life, and it will always be used to draw us back. There may be seasons of confusion, and God understands it. I may even have a time of hardening or where I do not pray, but God knows that he is using this for the good of those who love Him. If you give up hope in this you give up on everything. And today, I started to see that the more I am the man I am to be in Christ, the less I find myself worrying. The more time I spend on this earth, the more I find it was God who was to be trusted all along.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

May we all learn to pray deeply and continuously!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4: 6,7

To Be More Like Job

To be more like Job

and I, but a distant friend.

Tears try to fall, growing easier at the exhibition of my foolish pride.

Oh but a broken man, does the best he can.

The healed ones are lazy, numb.

The Iron Fist of Father Time vs. and accomplished father in his prime.

His pride will hit the floor, his knees will become sore.

And his offspring will groan with the birth pains of humility.

As they blame their old men no longer as standing up above grows harder.

(I'm tasting fresh blood on my lips)

If you read this and don't understand it I can write an explanation. Let me know.

The Trash Bags That Cover My Body

Today I posted two pieces of writing I did when I was a sophomore at Chandler-Gilbert. I found them while cleaning my room and I wanted to put them up here for anyone who wants to read them. I am very happy with them as they mark a time in my life where I was first understanding what it means to write and what it means to live for Jesus. I hope that you enjoy them...

Michael Roth

ENG 217

The Place

4/13/10

The Trash Bags That Cover My Body

The backdoor shuts. People approach. A basketball dribbles in my hand. A bead of sweat tickles the end of my nose and loses its will to cling. I look up to see the faces of my loving family, tenderhearted individuals who have painted my past with radiant colors. The colors of infant bliss dashed across the canvas of my childhood experience. It’s funny how we have these places. We think about them so much too, it’s the memories we miss most. Playing basketball with my father, brother, and grandfather. My grandmother would sit by the back door, interested in my confidence to shoot 3 pointers (which were merely 15 feet away in a patch of clovers). Sitting and talking with my mother, she would get up at some point to bring us root beers and ice cream. This was, of course, after we received our portion of cheezits, a very common childhood snack of mine. I remember this scene, it’s not a specific day, or even that this scene happened once, but it was a recurring setting, like a template for my childhood. Every Sunday my family and I went to church. Every Sunday we would leave church for Scottsdale Fashion Square, and we were sure to be greeted by Grandma and Grandpa (who were happy to buy us meals and toys). Everything I loved about life back then is represented here.

So when I want to get away from the immediate surrounding of my day-to-day life I start with this location. Where I would play basketball on the back porch. It’s as if I only go back to my grandparents house on days that I have epiphanies, and I’m thinking a lot of the time it’s vice versa as well. Something relaxes the search, the doubt, the struggle that I can have with life at times. When I get too wrapped up in the world this is the place I turn to. It’s clear and crisp in my mind; the smell gets me every time. Not overtly musty but you feel as if the scent is sticking to you. So incredibly intoxicating; all sorts of memories and emotions swirl about my mind like a chocolate sundae. The cherry on top is that everything is the same. I can walk into the room in this house that was set-aside for my brother and I like some sort of toy store that was abandoned. I see character all around me. My grandmother turned every wall in her house into a canvas of her own artistry. Waterfalls, green pastures, cows, cabins, snow. Each season represented like a full range of the colors of life (she poured much of the creativity and imagination I have into my mind, without her influence there wouldn’t be too much right brain in me). These walls begin to overpower the questions I have, the things that I think are a big deal aren’t so much anymore. I remember what it was like to be a child and I realize I am still here. I don’t want to fool myself though; it is not these walls that deserve the whole hearted thankfulness I portray.

See I don’t think we ever mean things to go the way they do. When my grandma died I asked a lot of questions I didn’t think I needed to ask. I finally had to deal with experiencing death first hand. We do this: we think we’ve formulated great answers until the weight of the waves crash atop our postulations and strike our foundation so hard we wonder whether it can hold up. But somehow, when I feel like I have no direction, I can come here and feel like a child again. It’s a connection back to God, the central character to all this. I can flip through family photo albums to refresh my mind on what I know about myself, since I come here when I am feeling lost. I see hundreds of photos of childhood faith and love and everything I know about me. I try to reconcile the decisions I make now to who I know I have been. One photo gets caught in my head. It is of me in the backyard of my grandparent’s house in the autumn, it’s definitely early 90’s. I have a popcorn bowl on my head and white trash bags cover my body, taped up to make me airtight. My grandma quite obviously the head of NASA, and I, the first man on mars. From the edge of the twin size bed that adorns my childhood toy store, I begin let go of what I fear to lose today. And as I stare into the eyes of the child I was, he reaches out and brushes the dust out of my eyes. I see the part of me I am glad to be, and he is glad to see me.

O Me of Little Faith

This was a paper that I ended up reading to my ENG 217 class at CGCC. I felt so freed after writing this, but even more freeing was letting go of the fear of reading it to non-believers. I recount nearly every single instance where I felt Almighty God interacted with me over the last two years. It is near and dear to me and I am very proud of this writing.

Michael Roth

Memoir

ENG 217

4/26/10

Oh Me of Little Faith: A Memoir

College can be a lonely place. I remember understanding that very well my freshman year at Chandler Gilbert. I didn’t really get it, in high school I had plenty of friends but I thought college was supposed to expound on that, not take them all away. I remember them all slowly dwindling away; My best friend Rob coming into class after 2 weeks exclaiming that he had picked up acid for the first time and dropping out of school the next week. He’s in the military now, which I guess is good, but just reminds me of the near instant change of scenery I went through as college began and friends being ripped from my life. It was weird because I felt as if since I had decided to follow Jesus was becoming more alone. I can remember specifically asking God to bring friends into my life to help me get through.

Midway through the semester things had boiled over and I got into an argument with my parents. I don’t usually like to argue with my parents, we’ve worked things out in the past and as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned how to defuse my ego in parental situations. Not this time though. I had stormed out of the house and needed some solace and decided that the atmosphere at the neighborhood Starbucks would suit the desire. I sat down to do a little homework and maybe read the bible, who knows, I just had it sitting there. A guy that I slightly recognized asked me “Whatcha ya reading bro?” I had seen him before one time at the church that I went to called Cornerstone. There were several thousand people there, however, so I hadn’t met him. “Oh! It’s the bible,” I replied “and I’m just doing a little homework. What about you?” He then proceeded to tell me that he just felt he needed to be studying there tonight and that he wanted to invite me to a bible study he had which literally met 1 mile from my house. He told me that the guys that met up at his house were all 25 – 30, which was kind of crazy because I didn’t really hang with anyone that old being 19 and all. We proceeded to talk and question each other for several hours. I was smiling with all the connections we had made between people we knew and things that we enjoyed. I love when that happens; you meet someone new and keep plunging further and further into how much you share in common. I had an ah-ha moment on the way home from coffee and realized that God had been answering my prayers possibly; that maybe the loneliness was because something greater than before was on the other side.

The first week I went there I realized the value of the relationships I had struck. These were people who aspired to love Jesus who had already been through all I had and more. Some of these individuals were literally the most seasoned human beings I had ever met. Nate Holscher, whom I met through our meetings, has gone through more in the last 10 years than most people do in their lifetime. His stepfather and father had been wrongfully imprisoned and his 24-year-old brother had died last year. He lost everything when this happened including his job. It probably felt like I just hit you in the face with some facts, and it feels like that when you try to explain anything that this guy has gone through. But he also built his own Hummer from scratch so I gotta give it to the guy. I thought to myself “this is the kinda guy I wanna hang around.”

I started hanging out with these people on a regular basis, two or three times a week. I began noticing a huge difference in my demeanor at school and the way I interacted with people. I also began reading the bible thoroughly, pouring over the words and letting them rain on my mind for reflection and strength in my day. It changed my passions in life, my desires. This was cool because I wasn’t looking for something religious like church; I had done that before. These were just genuine people who cared about me and wanted to act like Jesus. I liked that. I noticed something in their lives that was totally different than anyone around me or anyone I had met in the past and it was because they walked what they talked. I just loved the fact that I had found people outside of my comfy bubble that I could experience life with. I began to notice some cool opportunities opening up too. We did some stuff with kids in inner city phoenix for thanksgiving and Christmas of ’08 and those times forever changed me. It was eye opening and stretched my views on who and what deserves my attention. The funny thing was, this was just the beginning.

I guess it was after I was in this bible study for about 5 months that we all kinda realized that I could do this with friends my own age. So they prayed for me, that I would find a bible study with people my own age. I don’t mean find an institution, like some club. Less of a bible study, and more of just friends who were my own age who wanted to walk the way of Jesus and learn to love others. I guess any person wants these things and I hate to make it sounds like some religion I really wanted in my life, but I really just needed the community and fellowship of individuals that we all need. At this same time, my friend Nate’s dad was found innocent of the crime he was sent to prison for. So we rejoiced for a moment over that. The major bummer was that a few days before he was released he woke up unable to move the left side of his body. They found 14 brain tumors that had been gestating during his 4 years in jail. So every week we would meet up, held together by our care for each other in the middle of some really difficult stuff and we would ask God to heal Nate’s dad I look back on this season like a child; I am humbled by how difficult this season was.

About the same time, fall of ’08, I received an article in the newspaper from my grandmother. She sits around at home and does this with articles she thinks will be of significance to us. So I received this cut out of paper exclaiming, “Praxis Church in Tempe Heads Other Direction”. Apparently this was because in a day and age where many people are giving up they decided to just preach the bible and try and figure out what it all means for us today. In the article Pastor Justin Anderson exclaims, “We’re just trying to preach the word. We’re not into self help, there’s Joel Osteen and Oprah for that.” This caught my eye. I found out that apparently the only reason my grandma sent it to me was because the Pastor in the article went to my high school. The only thing was he graduated eleven years before so there’s not a chance I knew him, I would have been in first grade at the time. One thing though did draw my attention. I saw that the face of the guy playing guitar and singing in the picture happened to be the face of the lead singer of my favorite band growing up “Sky Harbor” a local rock band who ended up getting big. This was what grabbed my attention and I wanted to see what this place was all about. Shortly after a friend said he had been attending there. I showed up one night with him to a small, rustic old church down by Mill Ave. that they were borrowing space for. Most of the people were my age to about 30, which was cool because it wasn’t just a bunch of crotchety old people. In short, they announced that they were starting up a songwriting class during the week which several friends and I began attending. We would get there for a potluck on Wednesday nights and just eat and talk before we went back in and started to collaborate on music. This was a really amazing experience for me.

Several weeks into going to Praxis a friend of mine came up to me and asked me if we could start a bible study. Caught of guard, I replied, “Of course man! That’s exactly what I want to do!” Which was weird because my friends prayed that I would start one but I hadn’t done anything. I had this vision in my head, I don’t know if it’s correct or not, but that if I wanted to try to be like Jesus I would be willing to learn to love in spite of situation. So this idea popped up into my head that my friends and I could literally get up at any time and try to help out the homeless on Mill Ave. I mean it was scary, but we could do that. Jesus says, “ Whatever you have done for the least of these brothers of mine you have done unto me”. This was stuck in my head and I found myself realizing that if we wanted to follow Jesus radically this was an opportunity. So I tried to get a bunch of people together. Our plan was to go down to Mill Ave. on a Friday night and just sit and be friends to any homeless people down there. In my mind it meant laughing, crying, talking, feeding, whatever. I feel like these are people who nobody befriends and often shuns. I think this was my attempt at getting a bible study together but became a horrible one at that.

So after I got about fifteen people to say that they were absolutely down with this and it was a great idea we set out. The only problem was that as my friend Chris and I were driving down there every single person cancelled, some for good reasons and some for sketchy ones. I began to panic, thinking that we couldn’t possibly think that we should still do it, I mean, we aren’t with an organization or anything, we’re just two kids walking around the streets. But as we were driving down Chris says, “I heard about this place called Tempe Christian Resource Center. They do a meal and stuff on Sunday mornings and it’d probably be a good place to find out more info on.” I give him the okay, saying we should do that tomorrow. So we step out of my car, parked next to Zia Records, a regular pit stop for me. We walk down by CVS and after about fifteen seconds see a homeless man. He is just baked like no other, high as a kite. So we start to try and just talk to him. He puts up a wall. It gets a little hard to see this idea going anywhere. So I say “Hey man, you want to know about Jesus?” to which he replied, “No.” I look around and say, “Well are you hungry?” to which I get a “Yeah.” So we headed over to Burger King next door. We step inside and order from the menu. Then the strangest thing happens. An unsightly, obese man in the middle of the restaurant stand up and asks me if I am a Christian. I look at him, perplexed, and reply “Yeah, why?” He gets excited and says, “My name is Jay. I work at this place called Tempe Christian Resource Center. I’m there every Sunday. We need all the help we can get!” Chris and I exchange glances, and realize what is happening. We get into a conversation about the crazy ways in which God was interacting in our lives. To cap off this story I must tell you that I ended up working at that homeless shelter on Sunday mornings for about a year with many friends of mine and we never once saw Jay. I asked around, and not a single person knew of this Jay. This story will always continue to perplex me.

I began attending MCC that fall. I was thinking that since MCC was closer than Chandler-Gilbert that it would be easier to go there. I had also heard that it was a pretty good school so I really had nothing to lose by trying that school out. The ironic thing was that I found myself hating MCC even more than CGC. It was like CGC in many ways, except everything was dead. The grass, the colors, the drive of some of my teachers, it was dead. My philosophy teacher would show up late 80% of the time and no clue how to teach the course. It was ridiculous and I was just about at my wits end. I began to become extremely frustrated with my lack of vision in college. I didn’t know why I was even here, was there any point? So one night I prayed and listened to God. I literally sat there waiting. It was pretty foreign to me and to be honest I’m incredibly skeptical when people say they “hear God”. I don’t think he’s a genie and I don’t think you can make him do anything, much less talk to you. But I told God that I had put him on the back burner for a while. I wasn’t willing to be used by him for a very long time and I think it was because of that frustration that I was brought to this point, without it I wouldn’t have decided to turn back to God. But I remember asking Him, “God is there anything you want me to do?” and I remember specifically feeling lead to speak to someone in my math class about Jesus. I really, really didn’t want to do that. That just sounded plain weird, especially since no one wants to talk in math class and because you just drop Jesus into a random conversation, which I wasn’t too comfortable doing. Anyway, I totally rejected what I thought He wanted me to do.

So the next day I was sitting in math class and this kid next to me had a book on music, I was wondering if this was the kid I was supposed to talk to if this was even for real. I tried to strike up a conversation about music, “Hey man, you studying music?” to which I got a concrete “Yeah, bro.” I turned away at that, keeping a tiny battle inside as to whether I should ask him about Jesus. I fought myself the rest of the class until at the end of class he got up and walked away. I was kind of disappointed after that cause I never saw what was on the other side of that conversation. So much like a regular Sunday after the school week was over I came to Praxis, my new church. I sat down in the back with some of my friends like we always had listened to the band play songs for about fifteen minutes. After they stopped playing the invited us to shake the hands of those around us, so I went for the guy in front of me, who turned around and happened to be the dude from my math class that I didn’t want to talk to. I said “Dude! I was supposed to talk to you about Jesus!” and he said “Awesome man, lets talk about him.” He told me his name was Matt Schwartz and he was from New Mexico, he was just at MCC to play tennis. So after class that week he introduced me to a group of his friends who met and prayed in the piano room at MCC after class. I was kind of astonished that this kind of thing actually existed at MCC or anywhere for that matter. But nevertheless we started to hang out a lot. This became one of the most important friendships I developed over the course of the last year. We shared the same passions and love for music and Jesus. I mean it was scary. Along my journey of starting college God had brought more friends into my life than I imagined. I didn’t even try to seek them out, I asked him to help me and he brought me people. It’s been crazy.

Two months ago Nate’s dad passed away. We didn’t really know what to think. It seemed like God should’ve let up on Nate and let his dad survive. But Nate wasn’t troubled by it, by his dad being in jail he came to know Jesus which was Nate’s one prayer for his father. We sat in the VA hospital chapel for his funeral, everyone from our bible study and a few other stragglers. Nate was alone now if not for us. Nobody from his family was there because nobody was left. His dad was attending our Monday night discussion and study for a few months before he passed away and I became familiar with him. I have this amazing sense of friends turned family when I think about it though. We all helped put on the funeral; Nate spoke while others of us filled in little duties and provided the music. It just was something that we were all so single minded in, thanking God for our time with his father and trusting that the evil in this situation God would work for good. Far from a drag on the day, this funeral made me realize what it meant to be a friend and what friends I already had in my life.

When we laid his father to rest my friend Matt and I had already begun to meet at his house for bible study. It was a prayer that had been answered after nearly a year and hardly any effort. My friend from Praxis who came up to me was there along with about 4 more people who wanted to be involved. We just began meeting up and cooking brats and talking about Jesus together on Tuesday nights. People around started asking us if they could come and hang with us and we welcomed them. We would sit in their basement around a pool table and discuss life and how we could help each other this week. The one thing that blows me away though is the vibe; every Tuesday night that we hang out there is so much energy and every one just wants to know Jesus more. I cannot say just how thankful I am for my friends around the pool table. They are the people I look forward to hanging out with during the week. The cool thing is that everyone else feels that way. I have heard some really cool stories about how people had been praying for friends like this to help them get through college and it makes me so happy. Happy because I realize that there is something greater in life that we seek that knows us and draws us in.

Last week my group of friends that I originally started meeting with decided we would no longer have a bible study. We were all going into different paths in life. I thank God for it too; it was such a beautiful season of growth in my life. I realized so much about life and walking and learning. The setting was totally serene; we sat outside of another Starbucks, where it began for me and where it ended. All of my friends who had been there for the past two years who helped me through low times as well as great times. We decided that it was just best that we keep moving on. I would usually be sad about an ending like that but it made me excited. Excited because I realized that this wasn’t the end. I realized that I had friends who I was just getting to know and that I was becoming increasingly excited about what God had been doing there. It was an obvious blessing that God has had in store for me, giving me more close brothers and sisters than I have ever had. I love that I have made a ton of friends who want to follow Jesus. The love of Jesus drives me more than anything in life, his love bonds people in incredible ways and draws people so close that it makes me realize what I have missed out on when I am only worried about me, myself, and I.

Outside of Starbucks the last time we met up my friend Mike started to talk about the amazing ways that we had all been connected there and how we had all grown from knowing each other and the influence we have had so far in each other’s lives. I am so grateful to have run into him at Starbucks one lonely night, what a great friend he is. He went on to talk about the ways in which he noticed that God had orchestrated and worked things in our lives and how crazy it was that we were all there, people who for any other reason than Jesus shouldn’t have even known each other. He exclaimed, “You never know who you might influence,” as he said this a teenage kid walked out of Starbucks. Mike proceeded to use the kid as a prop, “For all I know I could’ve just influenced this kids life.” The kid looked at him, kind of befuddled and responded, “what are you guys talking about?” Mike answered back, “Jesus”. The teenage kid who we didn’t know at all responds, “You guys should go to this church down in Tempe called Praxis.” I then realized that the littlest of events, even the most petty, could sometimes hinge something of the utmost significance.

Equal Parts Misguided and Misunderstood

I used to be a baseball player in high school. I actually loved it because I felt good at pitching. Hitting was not one of my finer points (I hit one home run, in practice... on a windy day), but pitching I could do. It was nice too. I didn't have to be big and buff, but I felt big and buff.

Since high school my desire to be involved with sports at all has gone down dramatically. I read Donald Millers "Blue Like Jazz" and questioned why we even have sports after his space alien chapter. I would see people playing sports and wonder where "Jesus" was in it. I think I have my answer now.

My mom and dad had to talk me in to going to the last two games. In fact, I think I wouldn't have gone to one if I didn't feel the pressure. And you know what? Spending that time with people at the game turned out to be more beneficial than ten hours of reading crappy theology would have been. Enjoying people hitting home runs was better, and making fun of the opposing teams catcher was better.

The reason being: I think we as Christians tend to think that to follow Jesus we must spend time alone, calculating his will, and figuring out what areas we are currently failing in.

I honestly couldn't be more prepared to cuss.

The one thing I want to change about this year is that. I forsake plenty of opportunity to actually help people and actually love on them by never actually stepping out of my comfort zone. I spend the rest of my time in my comfort zone which consists of: music, reading, and talking to my closest friends about God.

Ours is a generation defined by subcultures. They top one another and see things in a more "educated" manner than the next. Don't think so? Read pitchfork.com, king of indie music sites. They sit around and listen to weird music and think it's genius. Says who?

This guy thinks he's over that.

It's time to stop secluding yourself to follow Jesus so that you are sure you are doing it right. It's time to stop being "radical" and it's time to live saved. It's time to stop forcing God into every conversation or dropping an "I'll pray for you" to something dramatic even though you don't intend to.

It's time to start living under grace and experiencing life. Make some new friends and be thankful for old ones. Be less judgmental and more loving. Open up your heart to God, let Him use you as you are. Stop working so hard.

We are all foolish Galatians at times.

(I guess, personally, I learn a lot when I go to NAIA baseball games)

Keep Christ in Crimbus

So, my last week has been so hopeful. A breath of fresh air. I am more confident in my salvation that at any point in the last year and I am more excited about what God has planned than in I don't know how long. Let me explain why.

Over the last few months I have been very close with many individuals in my life. I have really just seen my life open up as far as possibilities. God has made it incredibly clear that he would love for me to pursue opening a cafe. And He and I need to do more talking about that.

Anyway, please pray for God to provide the the finances needed to do this. I have met so many people in the 9 months that God has been preparing my heart for His will that I feel overwhelmed with resources and help. But turning that desire and light into a tangible resource is difficult. That is the final step in really letting this take hold. I could meet up with all the coffee shop owners I know and have all the amazing ideas in the world, but if I didn't choose to take some steps to doing this I'd wasting the opportunity. I'm trying to understand my responsibility in relation to God's sovereignty.

At my job I have randomly met several customers who own coffee shops around the state and are trying to bring the gospel to the surrounding neighborhoods. Vida E in Globe was one of these... I am still wanting to visit them. Dr. Proffitt at SWC said that I could run the cafe there if I wanted to because they are going to be needing someone in the future. Lately I have been asked to step in and hang out with the guys at The Grove and help them out with making drinks. Sola are great people too. Lux has rad coffee. Cartel has been a staple.

Anyway, a Merry Christmas for me was having God just kind of lay it on my heart to talk to a woman I hardly recognized. She was literally the last person in Nordstrom tonight, we were closed as a matter of fact, and she needed to buy a gift card. God has given me a ridiculous blessing of recognizing people and remembering instances from incredibly long ago. Anyway, this lady is the wife of Scott Morgan, who used to be an assistant pastor at Scottsdale Baptist at least 13 years ago. I was maybe 7 the last time I saw this lady. I told her that I knew who she was. We exchanged a few sentences about churches. She mentioned they started a cafe called Sozo in downtown Chandler. I was rather floored by this because, at the time that Chris, Nate, and I were looking for a building in downtown Chandler we found out that somebody was starting a Christian coffee shop in the same area. We were mildly bummed but since our plans fell through I had completely forgotten about Sozo.

God is intricate. So much detail could be explained. But I felt like God just ignited my heart for this ministry again. I feel empty though. I have no funds and I feel a little empty on the subject. I am becoming a little cynical too because every indie hipster wants to start a coffee shop or buy Toms. I want to follow the Gospel. I want to be consumed with the Gospel. I am afraid I will just be another indie kid who wants to start a cool coffee shop. I think this whole indie scene is confusion praised as authenticity and honesty. Everyone walks around in vnecks and Toms listening to sad and confused music. They like vintage stuff like vinyls and photos while drinking coffee out of a mug. I know from first hand experience. But I am just sick of being confused and contrived.

I want to be solid on Jesus. I don't want to listen to sad music any more or focus on doubt. I am a happy person and I want to fill my life with hope instead of some philosophical honesty. Faith, Hope, and Love.

Sorry I started to vent. I need prayer. Specifically for vision, inspiration, calling, and funds. Let me know if you'd be down to support or have any encouragement. I'd love to meet up with you and discuss / pray about this idea and what the vision for the neighborhood would look like.

Oh and more prayer. I want to start a commune. I've been on the verge for several months. I need to find a 3 bedroom house for less than a thousand a month. I want to fit 3 - 6 people in this house and have a chicken coop outback. We will live in this house to share Jesus to the surrounding area. Pretty scary and raw but I need a lot of prayer for this.

I have ADD.

Michael.